Tuesday, 19 November 2013

A HEARTLESS GOVERNMENT. A TACTLESS PRESIDENT.

HEARTLESS: Listening to the President speak during the last media chat I dare not say my President is stupid. No, no, I dare not. The statement uttered that corruption is not the number one problem of this nation can only come from a head that thinks nothing but ogogoro. I have not seen corruption so pronounced in my years of existence in this country than it is under this ‘transformation agenda”. How can just few people that are employed by us, paid from our collective revenue tell us we are not seeing what they are seeing?’ Ask the Coordinating minister of the Economy’ the President retorted; that is, talk to the Prime Minister, Ms Okonjo-Iweala.


The recent Oduahgate is long expected when many of us did not deem it fit to talk about the shams that are being done at the airport, especially Murtala Muhammed International Airport (MMIA), and we started praising Ms Oduah for her adroitness. Good work my foot. Billions were quoted for the renovations but what do we have to show for it: Leaking roofs, dark passage way to the tarmac, nauseating toilets, I know we all are thanking God that finally our airports are getting the much desired facelift that will make them to be regarded as world standard but in all we are much scammed than served, I think, this time worse than in the past. Billions have gone but our roofs are still leaking. They should have stuck to the earlier claim that Madam is rich enough to buy the armored cars worth 225 million naira from her personal purse, after weeks of noise from Nigerians, we would have swallowed that better. I would not want to talk about the blood sucking vampire in her because how can a reasonable person submit that these excusable air crashes are God’s doing even when we all know that God does not do evil. I am waiting to know the outcome of all the Administrative and Investigative Panels set up to investigate an obvious case of scam that the blind-cum-imbecile could even attest to. Anyway, it is typical of this government’s Transformation Agenda for billions to get missing and not a single pulled off the perpetrators. Oil Subsidy Scam is a current and will be a recurrent example. SURE-P is another, I wonder how Baba Christopher Kolade allowed himself to be so used in this regards. Baba!


They said we are not broke as a nation but only having issues with Cash Flow. Madam Prime Minister, I don’t get. Why do some people try as much as possible to present black as white? Aunty, it is obvious we are in a mess as it has been obviously stated by the Governor of Central Bank and Governors of some states as they said never have their allocation been so delayed and deducted like under the present dispensation.


We have accusations and counter-accusations. The economy is affected by about 400,000 barrels of oil being stolen everyday by oil thieves. One would wonder if the NNPC and the almighty Minister of Petroleum could give us an estimation of barrels of oil being stolen, how come we do not even have an estimate of oil that is legally being taken out of our wells to be refined in other countries. I have searched records I have not found such account anywhere. Please, if anyone has it, I will be glad to have a copy. I looked with so much anger as Ms Diezani fondled herself in front of millions of Nigerians, dipping her arm inside of her blouse and caressing herself during the Subsidy Regime Investigation Panel in the National Assembly and I asked what happened to decency? Was she practically telling the men or whoever on that panel ”let me go free and I service you free”? That attitude could only come from a whore, and that kind of buttresses the insinuations of the great services she renders to Mr President which makes her untouchable.


Promises upon promises but this government is never ready to deliver on anyone of them. Our universities have practically been comatose for months due to the government irresponsibly reneging on the agreement entered into by ASUU and the Federal Government in 2009. “LET YOUR YEA BE YEA IN ALL YOUR DEALINGS WITH ONE ANOTHER”, so says the Bible and one would have believed that after a return from Israel the President would have thought to act in line with the admonition of the Bible in dealing with people. The President, rather than honour agreement, foot-dragged to the point where a life was lost in the bid to finally resolve the crisis, a life taken by a government vehicle, on a road neglected by the government. Professor Iyayi, God bless his soul, paid the ultimate price.


TACTLESS:  Governors have been deified, the G7 Governors most especially. Take Amaechi for instance, he has become more popular than he was before the President picked on him wanting to make him a scapegoat but like the story of the donkey that fell into the well and refused to die shaking off the pieces of earth meant to bury him and turning such to make steps that brought him out of the well. Such is the case of Amaechi. He has used the media so well making him to be seen and read by all and sundry even in the remotest parts of the country and the world at large. I wonder what the aides of the President do. Any student of politics will know that sometimes in politics you court the friendship of your purported enemies in order to drown their popularity. Obasanjo Vs Tinubu and Obansanjo Vs Osoba should be case studies for them. I am using recent events so that the President’s aides will see themselves for the inept clowns they are. In the former, Obasanjo refused to give Tinubu, an opposition Governor, the allocation due to Lagos state on the premise that Lagos state created more local governments than enshrined in the constitution, the intention was to muscle and starve Lagos state of her allocation believing the state will not be able to perform well enough to be credible enough to win the next election so that the almighty PDP will take over the state. Tinubu being a tactful politician sourced funds internally and he left a mark that stands him out, such that even till today Lagos state has become a model for Internally Generated Revenue (IGR) that other states in the country look up to, inadvertently making Tinubu a godfather. Rather than Tinubu going into oblivion, Obasanjo’s muscle made him to realize his potentials to go beyond the ordinary. Today, Bola is a political superhero, take it or leave it.


On the other hand, during the 2003 Gubernatorial Election, Ogun state, the homestate of Obasanjo needed to be “captured” by all means to give the sitting President, Obasanjo, the credit of delivering his state to his party. Obasanjo devised what I call “eat from the same pot but poison the enemy” tactics. He went to Ogun state on the day of the election, invited his brother, Osoba, to his home, they ate, chatted and played the game of draft while the election was ongoing. That is, Obasanjo courted Osoba’s friendship and doused his vigour on the day of the election so that he won’t be able to make any last minute moves he might have had up his sleeves.


These current President’s aides are not even trying to rescue their boss’ image from the pit of incompetence where it is currently wallowing. They are making him look so incapable of playing the politics that is expected of him. The years of “wet e” politics are long passed. What is happening in Rivers state is just making Amaechi more prominent because he is not coming back for a re-election so he has nothing to lose in a way but it would have been a plus for the President if he has one more friend in Amaechi. Muscle does not beget friendship especially when you are playing this game called POLITIK.

 
Ms Okonjo-Iweala, when she came during Obasanjo’s government, helped in negotiating many deals that took us out of our deficit quagmire, but lately I do not think this Madame Prime Minister is doing what is right. She is the only one seeing that the economy is good even when her brother in CBN is saying otherwise. Kudos should be given to Obasanjo, though he is a man fraught with  faults, he should however be commended for standing his ground by not allowing anyone to come with CVs to intimidate him and today it is obvious that he himself did some brain work , I think more because he had shoes when he was in the military so nothing must have entered into his system to have gone to affect his thinking to believe that once you have a CV that reads IMF, AFDB, and some numerate skills that do not translate to obvious developments and growth of the common man, then you should be taken as the almighty even when you yourself claimed to have a PhD.

I will urge the President’s aides to let him know that one does not cut a red tape at the foundation laying of a house, but until such a building is completed; one does not talk from both sides of the mouth, such will betray one’s mental acumen when as a sitting President you respond “I don’t give a damn” on national television to an issue bordering on national malaise. They need to arrange his schedule to allow him do some reading and get him books on topical issues bothering on nation building because it is demeaning for the office of the President to refer questions on job creation and national growth to a private individual. “Dangote has said he will help us….”


Please let the President do more brainwork that will translate to national development so that he can salvage his present sorry records.  The world is a civil place where election and re-election is based on records and achievements respectively. And I must confess that people are wiser and will not fall for I HAD NO SHOES the second time.


ADEBAYO COKER

Sunday, 17 November 2013

A VIP'S EXPERIENCE AT A GVIP EVENT

Well, if I have to come back after three months of going AWOL, I might as well come back with a big bang *KABOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOM* That’s the big bang right there… Hahahaha *just kidding*
 
The Big Bang is no other thing than the masterclass of an event I was extremely lucky to have attended on the 3rd of November. It was the #ColourfulWorldOfMore Concert organized by Guinness Nigeria. My oh my, that was a Concert!!! In Nigeria, as it is in most places in the world, knowing the right people in the right places will give you access to the right things at the right time…  all I am saying is I got VIP tickets to the Concert – I am just saying, bragging not intended, but if bragging achieved, all well and good. If you are into entertainment and the publicity as well as the promotion of the Concert did not make you want to kill for the tickets, you need to reassess your priorities. All media outlets (both conventional and new) were awash with the news of the “MostColourful Concert of the Year”, and every time I saw the names TuFace, DBanj, Olamide, P-Square, Ice Prince, Wizkid, Davido, Burna Boy, Phyno, Chidinma, Flavour, Waje, Tiwa Savage as on the line-up, and DJ Xclusive and DJ Neptunes on the wheels-of-steel and MC Bovi planning to crack our ribs, I knew I just had to get myself tagged, and that was exactly what I did in a VIP way *grins*

Excitedly, Wifey and I graced the occasion and it was an evening of undiluted fun sitting up there in the VIP area munching on our small chops and drinking Malta and Stout (all complimentary for VIPs if you know what I mean), and enjoying a panoramic view of the magnificent stage. Now, let us get down to the matter: the stage lightning, the giant screens, the announcement of the artistes, the ambience, the ticketing, and crowd control was simply world class. Of course, there were issues around crowd control, but that was because some people had no tickets yet they left their houses for the venue, and some people had regular tickets yet they wanted to get into the Hall through the entrance reserved for VIPs and VVIPs. Aside some people losing their phones and wallets in the pushing and shoving at the gates, of which you cannot really blame Guinness, everything else worked like clockwork.
 
Now to the reason we all went there- the Performances. If I forget to mention any of the artistes that actually performed on the night, that is because I cannot remember anything from the performance, so you cannot blame that on me. Olamide was his usual Baddo self, and the rapturous applause he got coming out on stage and later leaving the stage was attestation to the fact that he is the rave of the moment. Ice Prince had stage presence and enough hits to keep the crowd yelling all through his performance, and I believe that his performance of the “VIP” track was specially dedicated to me on the night.  Flavour, Phyno and Burna’s performances were also very energetic and they were able to sustain the tempo all through. Starboy himself was at his crowd-pleasing best, reeling out songs after songs from his list of hits. Davido was daring with his choice of a live-band, and that made his performance shaky at the beginning, but he took control later and wowed the crowd without passing up the opportunity of showing that he is the Omo Baba Olowo by promising $1000 to anyone who could dance Skelewu best. DBanj also showed why is regarded as the No1 performer among the Naija new school of artistes. His mastery of the live band was second to none, and his crowd-engagement was top-notch. His performance was arguably the best of the night. The dynamic duo better known as P-Square also gave a performance worthy of a finale thrilling the crowd with a host of hits from their repertoire, throwing in dance jigs from the simple to the complex, and engaging the crowd all through. Personally, with the artistes performing as if they were auditioning, you couldn’t have asked for more from the performances. Even the absence of TuFace Idibia could not take away from the awesomeness of the night.

Nevertheless, I felt a “colour” was out of place on the night. Before I go further, let me confess that sometimes I overthink. Overthinking is actually one of the reasons why I do not frequently post on this blog; I write, then I start questioning if it is good enough, if it will be worth the readers’ time, if it is discussing a relevant issue, if my perspective is original and sensible, if the issue has not already been dissected enough by others, if it is well written at all, if it is an improvement on previous posts or if standards have dropped, if… Actually, if there is a Club for over-thinkers, I will definitely be the face. Moreso, I work in an industry where colours are more foregrounded than the name of the company, such that “Yellow Boys” and “Green Boys” come up during meetings more than “MTN” and “GLO”. So when I saw Burna Boy donning a light blue blazers and WizKid decked in a light blue two-piece suit at a “Guinness” concert, my alarm just went off beeping “NOT RIGHT! NOT RIGHT!! NOT RIGHT!!!” To put this into better perspective, Guinness Nigeria’s major competitor in the Alcoholic Beverages Industry (and that is a helluva competitive industry) is “Nigerian Breweries” whose dominant colour is “light blue”, and when you consider that WizKid has made a track (Let’s Get The Party STARted) together with some other Nigerian artistes for the promotion of Star Lager (Nigerian Breweries’ flagship brand), you might start seeing a conspiracy. Of course, artistes are independent entertainers who peddle their talents to whoever has the means to meet their demands, but there are also standards that should be upheld because it is a trade, sometimes the artistes do not know, so it is up to organisers to intimate them of the least acceptable standards. Huge resources go into a public relations event like that concert and it had to be milked for all the benefits therein, allowing artistes who are also on the payroll of a competitor wear a competitor’s colour to your event is one oversight too many. But you should not forget that I hold a Ph.D in “Overthinking”, and for all it is worth I might be the only one at the Concert who noticed and attached any significance to the colour.

Seriously, I have heard some people after the Concert questioning why almost all of our artistes could not perform with a live band; as much as I share this sentiment, I would not use that yardstick as a measurement here because I am sure no one left their house for this particular concert expecting the artistes to perform with live bands. Of course, I would love to see artistes do more than miming while on stage, but I think it is hypocritical of us to demand such when Wizkid still sells more album than Beautiful Nubia, performs at more shows in Nigerian than Asa, and enjoys more airplay than Lagbaja.

Interestingly, as it is my nature to always make every experience educational, I must not end this post without sharing some of my learnings from the event - I saw some of the latest trends in fashion, I found out that any skirt/gown which is longer than 7 inches below the waist is not trendy; I also found out that any shoe which allows the wearer to walk comfortably is fashion no-no for the ladies; I equally found out that for the guys, it is not "sagging" unless the waist of the jeans is right above the knees; and finally, I found out that if you consider all these fads surprising, then you are definitely old-school. Really?! I am already old-school?!


Thank You!
God Bless Us All!!
See You Next Time!!!
 
Twitter: @SirRash
Facebook: Rasheed SirRash Adewusi

Tuesday, 27 August 2013

KISSING-AND-TELLING IN HIGH PLACES

I know! I know!! I know!!!

I did promise I would not disappear again, but I only went and reenacted my own remake of “Gone With The Wind”. I apologise again, and as my people say, it is this hill here that blocks my view of the hill over there; therefore I have put structures in place to ensure the hill over there will be bigger than the hill here to counter-balance the view-blocking, hopefully. But it has been good news all this while: between the last time I was here and now, I have become both a HUSBAND and a FATHER. That might imply I have more and bigger responsibilities, which might also mean lesser time for blogging (obviously, I have less time for blogging already), but that might also imply I have more time (finding something else to occupy my time when Wifey and Mothers have taken over the TV and the Remote), let us just wait and see. #FingersCrossed

Now to the question that jolted me out of my blogging-inertia – kissing and telling, why do people do it? Personally, I believe whatever a man and a woman do together behind closed doors, as long as it is consensual, should remain locked behind doors, I mean no one has to see or hear it. Naturally, the participants do not have to tell us, and we do not want to know; but going by Ese Walters’ piece which I have taken the creative liberty to retitle “An Epistle on Self-Inflicted Pastor Abuse”, and the visibility the said piece has been accorded in cyberspace, it seems I am the only one on the queue waiting to board the bus to “I-Dont-Care-If-You-Kiss-And-Tell-Land”.

Kidding aside, I would not have been riled if people had just left comments like “LOL”, “LOOOOOOL”, “LMFAO”, “ROTFLMAO”, etc but seeing people swallow the bait of “abuse” and hailing her like a modern day Joan d’Arc really got me pissed off. Come on folks, this babe deserves nothing but the Bradley Manning treatment. Someone please explain to me how Ese Walters was abused in that story? Don’t get me wrong please, I am wont to believe her story, partly because I consider most of the so called men of God, or are they gods of men, as frauds; and mostly because I know stuffs like that go down in many places where people dress to kill, talk to be noticed, walk to be assessed, spend to impress, and act to outdo everyone else - church atmosphere nowadays is just like a party without the alcohol and tobacco. I am not going to try and paint anyone as wrong or right in the prelude to how the two of them ended up under the sheets, but for Ese to start crying “abuse” afterwards is beyond hypocritical to me. If you have placed someone on such a pedestal that you collapse when they blow air in your face, would you not be mumbling like a baby’s toy with a bad battery when you start crying foul when they have consensual sex with you? I don’t think I need any level of grace to label Ese Walter a CHARLATAN. I am not saying Ese Walters is right or wrong; neither am I saying Biodun Fatoyinbo is wrong or right, but the word “abuse” is a blatant misnomer in that story..

More disheartening is that even in the realm of politics and the discussion of national unity, we cannot seem to escape the kiss-and-tell merchants. If I ask the pertinent question: how do we unify Nigeria? I bet the majority will mention football, music, and good governance. But according to Femi Fani-Kayode, the solution is quite simpler than that – Let us all have "long-standing and intimate relationships" (innuendo caught FFK, well done) with as many people from all the other tribes as possible; that way, we (Nigerians) would all have become detribalized. We all know one of the major problems with Nigeria is ethnicity/tribalism, and if as a public figure you are accused of being ethnocentric, I am wholly behind you when you go all out to defend yourself. Such was the case for Femi Fani-Kayode whose seldom-rational but always-scathing expositions have brought the tag of “a tribalist” on him. In refuting the tag, FFK reeled out names of three women of Igbo extraction whom he has had "long-standing and intimate relationships" with and concluded that those sexual relationships definitely exonerate him from being labelled a tribalist. I am sorry FFK, you might not be a tribalist, but you are definitely a scummy and uncouth specimen of a lesser animal than a human being. You are nothing but another idiotic kiss-and-tell goat. How could you embarrass women you had consensual sex with like that? Seriously??!! That was the only route you could ply to redemption?? Of course, he did some damage limitation by coming out with an apology; but someone really needs to plank this clown on the head; maybe his brain might be realigned and he would start thinking before talking.


I think I have ranted enough for one post. I hope to be back very soon, but just in case I disappear, you can simply assume I have taken it upon myself to embark on a journey to unify Nigeria the FFK way. I need to “know” –I mean know in the Biblical usage- at least one babe from every tribe in Nigeria. You bet that is not an easy task; from every nook to every cranny of Nigeria I need to fish out women to roll in the hay with, and by the end of my sojourn, I alone standing would have become a detribalized Nigerian and an epitome of inter-tribal unification. Someone really needs to plank my head too from the four cardinal points.

Thursday, 25 July 2013

TO GOOGLE IS HUMAN


By ‘Sola Fagorusi

Until 2001, the word Google meant nothing. Today, it is both a noun and a verb. My computer does not underline it as a spelling error. The only remotely close words to it – goggle and goggles means to stare wide-eyed and a protective eye glass respectively. There is almost nothing that Google can’t search out. It’s intriguing the even the word Google can be Googled! Google has conquered all facets of our internet lives. It is the kingpin of the new media family. Anyone today who uses the internet would have contact with one or several of Google products.

The list grows a little less fast than weeds! Chrome browser, Google Calender, Google News, Google Maps, YouTube, Blogger, Picasa, Google+, Google Alerts, Google Scholar, Google Groups, Google Trader, Gmail, Google Hangouts, Google drive and others. The search engine which was Google’s first product and which conferred name on the company, is the world’s most patronised. The King of the internet is fast swallowing space in the technology sphere having its hands in all pies. Students and researchers would remain indebted to this tool that has changed the face of scholarship.

Google, the company, today has web based products, operating systems like the Android for Smart phones, hardware like the Nexus, desktop applications like the Google toolbar and also mobile applications. Given the huge meta-data that Google has to deal with on regular basis, it is today the biggest server company in the world. With cloud technology catching up heavily on use now, this title may hold for a very long time. Also trail blazing by Google is the Google Glass, one of the most clairvoyant and far reaching advances in the new media age. It is one of the few technologies merging strongly the activities of humans and computers and it is currently on a lone journey with no known competitor – at least known to the public.

Off the record, Google is my best friend and I love the Google Doodles. Checking them out has become more of a passive obsession. Trying to imagine what the next one would be is also a game in itself. Then Google dedicated its doodle last year to the victims of Nigeria’s Dana Air Flight 992 June 3rd 2012 crash in an empathetic public relations stunt. It is rational to ask if our over-dependence on Google would not come at a cost some day. With Google as a form of transactional memory which we rely on when the need is at hand, is the human brain not becoming redundant? But then, there’s also the argument that the brain now has access to more information in lesser time than it used to previously. It is also not just about the memory, there’s also the issue of refusing to keep our hard disks and memories chips busy with information storage for later use when we are sure that all we need do is Google it when next we need it. Humanity can only hope that the internet and Google holds for as long as humans exist. To Google is human after all and possible not to Google is silly! Google is human’s all-knowing and knowledgeable oracle. Definitely more powerful than Paul the Octopus!

Soon, I pre-empt that Google would be named the Parent of the Year! Young people would seem to find their answers to life and living through Google. Except you refuse to ask, that is only when Google would refuse to tell. The easy access to the internet would mean easy access to Google as well. In well developed environments, it would no longer count to know the address and location of a friend’s place again as long as the friend can email or text the address to you. Google Map would do the ‘magic’. May the day we can’t Google again never come!

Google is equally a sound test of fame. Does Google know you? If you attempt to search your name and it auto fills, then the answer is yes. The very popular and addictive website has become man’s most prominent artificial intelligence amplifying the human cause and worth.  Like every other growing organisation, it has also had it shares of failed products and discontinued ones. Google Buzz and more recently Google Reader which was discontinued on July 1st, 2013 are some of the over 80 products. A number of them have been harmonised and formed into another product and a couple of others have simply been rested in Google’s rich graveyard. Knowing when to do this is one of Google’s strengths. Altavista which used to be a rival to Google at conception has faded away. Others like Bing, MSN, Lycos, Excite and Yahoo Search struggle to survive under the domineering shadow of Google the search engine. Google, like other web platforms have had a number of glitches and reverted quickly and given Microsoft’s Internet explorer a run for its money with Google Chrome.

Google has helped reduce unemployment in Nigeria and around the world. Anyone today, irrespective of age can develop an android based app, put it up on Google Play and earn from the downloads. Young people can also today put up blogs and sites and earn from their contents when Google AdSense starts sending adverts their way. Its imprints in Nigeria is also bold especially with the .ng extension allowing for platforms like Google Trader which allows people list their products and services for free in localised ways. In addition, it has also saved advertisement cost for companies. Google is responsible for the upward surge in online advert patronage through her effective system, knowing from the backend exactly who wants what.

Google’s Chairman Eric Schmidt posits that Google's aspiration ‘is to be your assistant, to know what you don't know and to get that information to you in whatever way it is quickest.’ Founded by Larry Page and Sergey Brin while still PhD students at Stanford University, it was initially called ‘Backrub’. The domain name www.google.com was registered in 1997 while Google as a company came to be in 1998. By 2012, the company was already declaring annual revenue of about $50 billion mainly through Google AdWords with monthly unique visitor of over 1 billion.

Already, 39% of the world’s population have internet access and it is predicted that internet business will grow 10 times in the next three years. Google will have a part to play in this and a commensurate profit share as well.

And if you need to read this article a couple of years from now – Google it!

@SolaFagro on Twitter 

Sunday, 2 June 2013

DENUDING THE ENGLISH LANGUAGE

Language is the blood of the soul into which thoughts run and out of which they grow.  ~Oliver Wendell Holmes

As a Language Purist, every time I see someone murder any language, especially the English Language, through spelling, tense, or pronunciation, I cringe to the bone marrow. I consider Language as an integral part of a society’s identity which reflects how much progression or retrogression you can ascribe to such a society; thus any maltreatment of the language portrays the society as wicked and heartless. You can say this again and again for Yoruba Language, my Mother-Tongue.

Eeriely, we Language Purists are becoming endangered species no thanks to the proliferation of smart devices and unending texting which has given birth to blatant ABBREVIATION and indiscriminate ACRONYMING. We could blame this on SMS limiting us to a mere 160 characters; we could blame also blame this on Twitter further reducing that to 140 characters; and we could further blame this on life becoming so fast-paced that we have to always chase after it thus having no time to type full words not to mention sentences; but I absolutely believe we got to this point due to our penchance for taking everything to the extreme. Abbreviation and Acronyming are acceptable word-formation processes, but when we consistently abbreviate whole sentences, it beggars commonsense and comprehensibility.

I know some of us will never write or speak this way, but most people we relate with write and speak this way now, so we have to also familiarize ourselves with them so we do not look like Villagers at a Comic-Con with everyone writing and speaking Klingon and we looking like we have just died and gone to Hell. Here are a few of these unavoidable aberrations, note that the list is inexhaustible, and like deadly bacteria, they multiply fast:


2U2 = To You, Too
AAMOF = As A Matter Of Fact
AFAIK = As Far As I Know
AFAIC = As Far As I'm Concerned
AFAICT = As Far As I Can Tell
AFK = Away From Keyboard
ASAP = As Soon As Possible
BAK = Back At Keyboard
BBL = Be Back Later
BITMT = But In The Meantime
BOT = Back On Topic
BRB = Be Right Back
BTW = By The way
C4N = Ciao For Now
CRS = Can't Remember Stuff
CU = See You
CUL(8R) = See You Later
CWOT = Complete Waste Of Time
CYA = See Ya
DITYID = Did I Tell You I'm Distressed?
DIY = Do It Yourself
EOD = End Of Discussion
EZ = Easy
F2F = Face To Face
FAQ = Frequently Asked Questions
FBOW = For Better Or Worse
FOAF = Friend Of A Friend
FOCL = Falling Off Chair Laughing
FWIW = For What It's Worth
FYA = For Your Amusement
FYI = For Your Information
GA = Go Ahead
GAL = Get A Life
GBTW = Get Back To Work
GFC = Going For Coffee
GFETE = Grinning From Ear To Ear
GMTA = Great Minds Think Alike
GR&D = Grinning, Running & Ducking
GTG = Got To Go
GTGTTBR = Got To Go To The Bathroom
GTRM = Going To Read Mail
HAND = Have A Nice Day
HBD = Happy Birthday
HHOK = Ha Ha Only Kidding
HTH = Hope This Helps
IAC = In Any Case
IAE = In Any Event
IC = I See
IDGAF = I Don’t Give A Fuck
IDGI = I Don't Get It
IJN = In Jesus Name
IMCO = In My Considered Opinion
IMHO = In My Humble Opinion
IMNSHO = In My Not So Humble Opinion
IMO = In My Opinion
IMPE = In My Previous/Personal Experience
IMVHO = In My Very Humble Opinion
IOTTMCO = Intuitively Obvious To The Most Casual Observer
IOW = In Other Words
IRL = In Real Life
ISP = Internet Service Provider
IYKWIM = If You Know What I Mean
JIC = Just In Case
JK = Just Kidding
KISS = Keep It Simple Stupid
L8TR = Later
LD = Later Dude
LLNP = Long Life And Prosperity
LOL = Laughing Out Loud
LTNS = Long Time No See
MorF = Male or Female
MTCW = My Two Cents Worth
NRN = No Reply Necessary
ONNA = Oh No, Not Again
OOMF= One Of My Followers
OTOH = On The Other Hand
OTTOMH = Off The Top Of My Head
OIC = Oh I See
OTF = On The Floor
OLL = Online Love
PCMCIA = People Can't Memorize Computer Industry Acronyms
PLS = Please
PU = That Stinks!
REHI = Hello Again (re-Hi!)
ROFL = Rolling On Floor Laughing
ROTF = Rolling On The Floor
ROTFL = Rolling On The Floor Laughing
ROTFLMAO = Rolling On The Floor Laughing My Ass Out
RSN = Real Soon Now
RTDox = Read The Documentation/Directions
RTFM = Read The Fricking Manual
RUOK = Are You OK?
SNAFU = Situation Normal; All Fouled Up
SO = Significant Other
SOL = Smiling Out Loud (or You're Out of Luck)
TANSTAAFL = There Ain?t No Such Thing As A Free Lunch
TAFN = That's All For Now
TBH = To Be Honest
TEOTWAWKI= The End Of The World As We Know It
THX = Thanks
TIA = Thanks In Advance
TLK2UL8R = Talk to you later
TMK = To My Knowledge
TOS = Terms Of Service
TPTB = The Powers That Be
TSWC = Tell Someone Who Cares
TTBOMK = To The Best Of My Knowledge
TTFN = Ta-Ta For Now
TTYL(8R) = Talk To You Later
TWIMC = To Whom It May Concern
TWMA = Till We Meet Again
TXS = Thanks
URL = Web Page Address
WB = Welcome Back
W/O = Without
WRT = With Regard To
WTG = Way To Go
WU? = What's Up?
WWW = World Wide Web
WYSIWYG = What You See Is What You Get
XOXO = Lots of Kisses
YGIAGAM = Your Guess Is As Good As Mine
YGWYPF = You Get What You Pay For
YMMV = Your Mileage May Vary
ZZZ = Sleeping


Going by the words of Samuel Johnson - “Language is the dress of thought” - obviously, we have stripped ours down to its underpants. Hopefully, we will realise at this point that we have gone too far and make a detour or better still, a perfect u-turn...else our kids will grow up thinking they speak English while the whole world looks on in amusement thinking we are re-enacting the biblical scene at Babel.

Thank You!
God Bless Us All!!
See You Next Time!!!


Twitter: @SirRash

Sunday, 12 May 2013

THE HORSETAIL


Literally, the easiest thing in Nigeria of today is to write about the myriad of ills persistently afflicting the nation. Presently, the Baga Massacre, the Nassarawa-Eggon Bloodshed; and Asari-Dokubo's Interview are events that would make you lose total hope in Nigeria, Humans, or Life in general. These events have been megaphoned in the Traditional Media and analysed cum dissected on Cyberspace; bringing it up again would be like flogging a dead horse.

But should I just pretend these didn’t happen and go ahead writing about other funny stuffs in a funny way? I decided not to ignore this festering wound, but to approach it from another angle. Hope you enjoy my poem.


THE HORSETAIL
Life is a mirage, a fleeting illusion.
A road paved with thorns and hedged with nettles.
An empty barrel full of if-onlys.



Life is a terrible bully.
An ogre fond of devastation and destruction.
A basilisk eager to cause cries and despair.
A devil beating, battering, and bruising.

Life is a lengthy sad drama
Staged by a reluctant cast
Embellished with cacophonous elegy and dirge
Of which happiness is just an interlude
But never the essence.

Life, become anything you wish to:
An abyss, a dungeon or even hell,
Or worse still Dante's inferno.
But just one thing We am sure of:
As the Horsetail is cut out for Honour;
So are We destined for Greatness.











Thank You!
God Bless Us All!!
See You Next Time!!!


Twitter: @SirRash

Sunday, 5 May 2013

MNP - "PORT" IS THE NEW "SWAG"


"Swagger" as a word was reputed to have been coined by the great wordsmith, William Shakespeare, as far back as 1590, in one of his classic plays “A Midsummer Night's Dream”; but on this side of the Atlantic, home to about 160 million people, we could as well claim “swagger” only came into our vocabulary in the late 2000s. Sauce Kid, now Sinzu, first introduced the word into the mainstream with his song “yebariba sanboribobo” where he kept repeating the hook “swagger swagger, hiiiinnnnn” (whatever that meant or means)… then the self-professed mad-man, Terry G, took it up a notch by mentioning the word in every one of his songs, then he took it up another notch by naming an album “Ginjah Ur Swaggah”, and from there, “Swagger” became Naija’s “Gangnam Style”, and woe betides any hip-hop artiste who refuses to use the word in a track, or any soft sell journalist or blogger who keeps malice with the word in an article/post.



Interestingly, this post is not about Swagger/Swagga/Swag/Swags/ Swagz, it is about a new word that has come to displace that popular family – PORT. Obviously, this is not a new coinage, neither in spelling, nor in context, but the rate at which it has gained popularity in Nigeria in the last two weeks could only be rivalled by the way President Goodluck Jonathan keeps making enemies (especially on Social Media Platforms) since January 2012. Wiktionary defines PORT in this context as:

i) (computing, video games) To adapt, modify, or create a new version of, a program so that it works on a different platform; to adapt a console video game title to be sold and played on another brand of console.
ii) (telephony) To carry or transfer an existing telephone number from one telephone service provider to another.

Thus, for the kick-off of the Mobile Number Portability (MNP) exercise in Nigeria on the 21st of April 2010, the Nigerian Communications Commission (NCC) and all the Telecommunications Companies (TELCOs) were right to adopt the word PORT as the standard expression; actually, they had to because they had no better option. But none of the TELCOs could have predicted the acceptance and mileage PORT would gain in a few weeks. “PORT” is now a synonym for everything that involves movement or the notional idea of changing position- from travelling, to changing jobs, going to bed, getting married, and even defecating. In synopsis, PORT is the new SWAG.

Expectedly, all the TELCOs have hidden behind adverts to fight the MNP war- MTN went gung-ho by successful porting Saka from Etisalat and that resonates well with most people; AIRTEL's piece, though a jab specifically at MTN, is mature and classy and also resonated with many, but I met some people who suggested Airtel should have accompanied it with a manual; ETISALAT's piece is also mature and classy, not aimed specifically at anyone (if you discount the switch at the end *winks*)but it was dull compared to Etisalat itself; and GLO decided to go the route of Dear John with special emphasis on the red colour, surprising to say the least, but people seem to have little expectation of GLO. But isn’t the MNP war supposed to be fought with quality of service?

Ironically, as funny and interesting as this reality is, it does not inspire much joy, because the essence of the MNP exercise is being lost somewhere in the middle. MNP is meant to give subscribers lots of choice and freedom, it is supposed to bring a new dimension to the competition in the industry, it is expected to make all network operators to work harder to earn the trust of subscribers, because subscribers will now have choices in a new dimension, but has anything really changed? The general consensus is that MTN will be the loser in this, but the reality is that there is no Utopia with any of the service providers, it is simply a case of being flanked on the four sides by a rock, an iron fence, a mountain, and a hard place, and deciding which of the four you find least worrisome.


Presently, subscribers ascribe affordability and reliability in data connectivity to Airtel and Etisalat; qualitative network coverage to Airtel and MTN; but responsible and accessible customer service to none. As long as all the service providers cannot single-handedly provide all the basic values expected of Mobile Telephony viz-a-viz qualitative coverage, affordable tariffs, reliable data connectivity, and accessible/responsive customer service, Nigerians will still subscribe to at least two of the four major providers with each serving different purposes. It is high time TELCOs woke up to the fact that these subscribers want their cups always full but TELCOs at the moment are offering cups which are only half-full, or half-empty.


Thank You!
God Bless Us All!!
See You Next Time!!!

Twitter: @SirRash
Facebook: Rasheed SirRash Adewusi

Saturday, 16 February 2013

EAGLES: SUPER! SUPERB!! SUPERIOR!!!


Writing about the AFCON 2013 after the Super Eagles triumph would seem such an easy task, but only for the hypocrites. To see people make a 360 degrees detour from calling them “Super Chickens” to “Super Eagles”, and to watch “the undisputed draw-masters” become “the true kings of Africa” in 7 days is an intrigue Kim Kardashian will dream of having on her Reality TV show. It was just as if the Eagles were waiting for the completion of the Knockout Stages to really display all the great qualities that sets them apart from other avians: vision, aggression, agility, decisiveness, and flair. The Eagles did not just win the the knockout stage matches by the scoreline, they equally won by the performance. They were truly deserving champions after dominating Zambia - the defending champions; Cote D’Ivoire – the pre-tournament clear favourites; Mali – a tournament favourite; and Burkina Faso – the conqueror of Ghana (a pre-tournament favourite). The vigour with which I criticized the Eagles when they looked like they have lost their wings is the same vigour with which I have to surpass now that they are soaring higher than our imagination.

Expectedly, just as I projected, the competition opened up in the last round of group stage matches and it never went back to sleep. Highlights of the tournament include debutantes Cape Verde bracing all the odds to make it to the knockout stage; defending champions Zambia crashing out in the first round; all the North African representatives crashing out in the first round; Cote D’Ivoire crashing out against Nigeria without a fight; Nigeria mauling Mali in the Semi Final; and Nigeria deservedly winning the competition having outplayed all their opponents and outscored all the other teams in the competition. It was extremely impressive and highly jingoistic to see Sunday Oliseh on DSTV wearing the garment of an analyst, a job he handled with the same dexterity with which he manned the midfield the last time the Super Eagles won the Trophy in Tunisia ’94.

Amid the euphoria, we must not lose sight of the shortcomings of AFCON 2013: the Mbombela stadium at Nelspruit should never have been part of the competition, not even as a training pitch; most of the Referees at the competition needs to be investigated for ties with betting syndicates because it seemed they were hell-bent on determining the winners and not adjudicating the contests; and lastly, information sharing should be handled more effectively to avoid accusations and insinuations that continues to negatively impact the integrity of CAF and the AFCON itself.


Two thumbs-up to Stephen “Big Boss” Keshi for once again achieving beyond all expectations. He has written his name into the history books of African football. After qualifying unknown Togo for the FIFA World Cup, and leading Togo and Mali to the Nations Cup albeit with less success, this competition provided an opportunity to redeem his image, but he did more than that, he actually cemented his status as a Coach to be reckoned with in Africa. He stood his ground, chose his team on merit and relevance rather than reputation, stuck to his ideals even when results were not forthcoming, tweaked his tactics when necessary while others were tweeting, motivated his lads, and the AFCON trophy is a testament to his ingenuity. The players really deserve kudos for playing their hearts out and immersing themselves into the tasks, this was the tournament where Mikel came of age for Nigeria, where Emenike, Mba, Omeruo, Oboabona, Onazi, Ogude and Ideye announced themselves to Nigerians, where Enyeama once again proved his importance to the Super Eagles; and where the Super Eagles reignited the passion and belief in Nigeria.




In the end, we have to give it to the Bard of Stratford-upon-Avon, his timeless saying “all is well that ends well” also rings true here because Jacob Zuma is presently grinning from ear to ear as he got more than he wished for with African countries actually winning the top three prizes: Nigeria won the Gold, Burkina-Faso made do with the Silver, Mali grabbed the Bronze; and Ghana with all the aiding and abetting by Referees went back home with empty bottles of Alomo Bitters!!!


Thank You!
God Bless Us All!!
See You Next Time!!!

Twitter: @SirRash
Facebook: Rasheed SirRash Adewusi