QUESTIONS, QUESTIONS, AND MORE QUESTIONS

 Last week, a guy posted this picture on a BBM Group, I picked it up and decided to dissect it arriving at the conclusion that the only way to follow those Seven Logics is when you live in a cave eating only berries and drinking from a spring, but when you live in a human society you just cannot apply them. Suffice to say I was alone at my corner on this with about 5 other guys pummeling me through their keyboards and the 24 other members providing mute spectatorship. A day later, I got into another discussion (not argument) with my friend and the point of divergence centred on the hallowed issue of “mind” with him positing that the mind (being an intangible entity) cannot and do not grow, but only reacts to accommodate memory and experience, and me postulating that memory, experience and mind are three inextricable elements thus whatever attribute is applicable to one must be applicable to others. Needless to say we could not reach an agreement despite having expended the better part of two hour on the discussion.

Consequently, my inquisitive nature pushed me to start researching the concept of “mind” and I have to confess although I have added to my body of knowledge, I am still as confused if not even more confused on the concept. But in the midst of my research, I discovered something which answered both questions that were raised last week. I discovered that even the Buddha was asked 14 questions which he could not answer. The questions when considered by their subject matters can be grouped in four categories:

Questions concerning the existence of the world in time:

1. Is the world eternal?

2. ...or not?

3. ...or both?

4. ...or neither?

Questions concerning the existence of the world in space:

5. Is the world finite?

6. ...or not?

7. ...or both?

8. ...or neither?

Questions referring to personal experience:

9. Is the self identical with the body?

10. ...or is it different from the body?

Questions referring to life after death:

11. Does the Tathagata (Buddha) exist after death?

12. ...or not?

13. ...or both?

14. ...or neither?

According to verifiable history, The Buddha initially remained silent when asked these fourteen questions; he then proceeded to explain himself thus “these questions are a net and I refuse to be drawn into such a net of theories, speculations, and dogmas. It was because I was free of bondage to all theories and dogmas that I had attained liberation; such speculations, are attended by fever, unease, bewilderment, and suffering, and it is by freeing oneself of them that one achieves liberation.” Puzzling, isn’t it? That even the Buddha for whatever reasons chose not to answer some questions. That is the essence of LIFE. Life is such a complex notion/entity/idea/reality/concept…just choose one. With every passing moment, life presents questions which lead to further questions in the process of answering them - a child is a bundle of joy, why does childbirth have to be so painful then?

Interestingly, we are better off today than 800 years ago, today when we see an apple drop from a tree we just pick it up and eat it without bothering to ask why it fell down, Isaac Newton already did that for us. Just look at technology and imagine how people survived 500 years ago, or to even bring it closer, 100 years ago. Ironically, the easier life gets, the easier it has become to also make life hell. For every Boeing 747 Jet, there is an F-4 Phantom; for the discovery of Penicillin, we have the discovery of SARS; for Albert Einstein, we have Ghengis Khan; for Murtala Mohammed, we have Goodluck Jonathan; for every good progress we make, we are capable of making an evil progress that surpasses that, and that is where my perplexity stands at the moment.

Resignedly, I have come to accept that Life will continue to be incomprehensible, a labyrinth that no one can get out of alive, a mixture of good and bad, a puzzle that no one can really solve... But this gloomy picture of life does not preclude the fact that life could be enjoyed still and the sojourn here could be made to be worth its while. Just live simply, put in your best and hope for the best.

Reminiscing with nostalgia about Philosophy lectures back then, after the lecturer had confused us to a state of Aporia, he usually put the icing on the cake by giving an assignment, let me sign off today by toeing that line:

1) Is the Zebra a black animal with white stripes; or is it a white animal with black stripes?

2) Did the egg come before the hen or the hen before the egg?

Thank You!

God Bless Us All!!

See You Next Time!!!

Twitter: SirRash

Facebook: rasheed.adewusi

...OF FEUDS AND THIRD-PARTY WARLORDS

Last Saturday, there was an election in Edo State and PDP lost despite Mr Fix-It coming from that state. It was an interesting drama that played itself out at “The Heartbeat of the Nation” what with Comrade Adams Oshiomole coming out to lambast INEC, accuse PDP, and denounce the result, all before 12 noon. Yes, you heard right, 12 noon!!! But then INEC declared him the outright winner, PDP conceded defeat, and the Comrade accepted the victory like he wasn’t comparing the whole process to a madman’s jig just 12 hours before. You have to marvel at our democracy. Personally, when it comes to Nigerian Politics, the difference between The Ruling Party and The Opposition is just like “Twenty” and “One Score”… same Difference.

Interestingly, the essence of this post is not to dissect Nigerian politics and depress you the more but to actually impress or depress you, depending on where your allegiance lies, by analysing people’s perception of D’Banj since his messy split from his long-term partner, Don Jazzy. The reactions to D’Banj from #TeamDonJazzy sympathizers have ranged from hatred, dislike, indifference, to outright hope that he will fail in his quest for international stardom. Suffice to say #TeamDBanj is not short of volunteers either who are at their loudest to label the Mavin Crew, the phoenix which has risen out of the ashes of the MoHits Crew,  a bunch of losers shorn of their undisputed Numero Uno - Kokomaster-Entertainer-D’Banj.

Naturally, when anything happens, people react and most of the reaction is based on the perception of the parties involved: D’Banj has always been considered as loud, arrogant, and hyperactive; while Don Jazzy is considered quiet, humble and self-effacing, more like the “good cop” in a Good-Cop-Bad-Cop Partnership with D’Banj being the “bad cop”. Considering the fact that D’Banj is the entertainer who is in front of the cameras every day and Don Jazzy the producer who sits behind the keyboard/console most days, this is not out of place, but trust people to read meanings into everything whenever there is a slight opportunity to do so, and not forgetting that D’Banj voluntarily sacrificed himself as GEJ’s Scapegoat on the altar of politics. Silly politics again!!! Nonetheless, I have to confess you will struggle to find instances for which to criticize Don Jazzy, he comes across as that talented, bubbly, likeable kid who everybody loves to love and no one dares hate; therefore he has to be the victim in the split-saga and unfortunately for D’Banj-the-Entertainer, he has to literally be the Scapegoat.

At this point, I have a question for those in either #TeamDBanj or #TeamDonJazzy - Is it possible to have a third team called #TeamNeutrality or #TeamObjectivity? I mean let us ask ourselves – what has D’Banj done wrong in aspiring to International Superstardom? Yes, he could have handled it in a more mature way avoiding the indecent washing of dirty linens in public, but that is an aftermath, according to the story, Don Jazzy did not see that as a necessity at that moment. DBanj has conquered the Nigerian market - #Fact. D’Banj has conquered the African market - #Fact. DBanj can conquer the Global market - #Fact. Before you snigger and ask “how?” I answer - we might never know if he does not try. Let us not get confused here, I am not holding brief for D’Banj, I don’t even consider him a good musician in the real sense of what music ought to be, but just like no other person I have no right to deny him or mock his ambition to become a global music force. Cut the dude some slack please, he might suck at the artistic side of music, but he is savvy at the business side of it. The way he has built the albeit meaningless “Koko” into a formidable brand is worthy of respect. He is aware of his vocal and artistic shortcomings which he compensates for with his hyperactive on-stage performances, he even admitted that he is not a vocalist but an “Entertainer”. After all is said and done what matters is how much you are able to better your life with your God-given talents, and if a mediocre can harness his limited talents to become a force to reckon with in Africa, why can he not dream of taking up the whole world? And if his partner does not share that dream, does that mean he should jettison the idea? NO, each goes his own way and life goes on.

Human Relationships are usually built on mutualism and the parties involved have to be willing to make it work, in the instance of one or more parties not willing to be a part of the relationship, a split is usually the conclusion. We always expect Respect and Loyalty from humans, and that is not too much to ask, actually that is a necessity; but just take a look around and show me where that obtains - politics, sports, workplace, helloooooo, can u point at any single one? That is the reality of the world that we live in, loyalty and respect are only words in our dictionaries, they are not alive in our realities, and we are not spectators of this macabre drama, we are willing thespians who made ourselves available for casting.

Humorously, D’Banj released a Single titled “Oyato” and the internet music iconoclasts have been out with their axes and machetes butchering the song and labelling it “an earsore” but I listened to the song and I was impressed simply because it was classic D’Banj – racy beats, mundane message, infantile lyrics. If you have always loved D’banj’s music I mean when he was an integral part of MoHits, you cannot just say anything negative about “Oyato” because it is just like his an archetypal D’Banj’s music - no tangible message and superficial lyrics at best. If you have at any time loved any of “Tongolo, Socor, Why Me, Kimon, Mogbona Felifefi, Suddenly, Entertainer, Scapegoat, or Oliver Twist” you have no rights whatsoever to complain about the aesthetic/artistic aspect of “Oyato.” Just accept the fact that D’Banj is no longer part of MoHits, continue to fawn over the Mavin Crew, and find a place in your heart to wish D’Banj ALL THE BEST.



Thank You!
God Bless Us All!!
See You Next Time!!!

Twitter: @SirRash

Facebook: Rasheed SirRash Adewusi

VANITY FAIR: MULTINATIONAL COMPANY EDITION

I work with a Multinational company whose Global Head-Office is in India and Africa Head-Office is in Kenya. If you like, snort and laugh in derision at the two countries I mentioned above, I know I work with a truly multinational company. There are so many perks in working with a truly multinational company in case you do not know: for instance, Guinness full-employees attaching a photocopy of their official identity card makes securing a UK visa something akin to Lionel Messi scoring a goal, too easy; and I bet they don’t detain Multichoice full-employees at Oliver Tambo International Airport, Johannesburg, asking for one nonsense yellow card.

Interestingly, what I consider as the major perk in this multinational company is the opportunity it affords me to observe at close range – women and their over-reaching vanities. You see women at different stages of struggles to best not only others but their personal self. You do not need any copyright permission to rename my company’s Head Office “Vanity Fair Building”, and I am sure the name will be more than apt. Name it: kids/issues, vacations, shoes, wears, accents, cars, anything, is an opportunity for my colleagues to display vanity.

The perfect place to start this exposѐ is in the morning and in the convenience, because that is when and where the day starts, isn’t it? The usual time that you have traffic in the female conveniences is early in the morning. You might be wondering: Don’t they have toilets at home? Don’t they keep their toilets at home clean? Don’t bother yourselves, the reason why they go into the toilet has nothing to do with answering the call of nature, but answering the call of make-up. Facilities managers are actually employed to manage my multinational company’s conveniences, so it is always spic and span; and have I mentioned the conveniences have a lobby that is fitted with mirrors covering 75% of the walls? The lobby provides a stage to display the art of make-up application: touch-up the eyeliner, dab some blush, rearrange the Brazilian/Indonesian/Indian hair, rub some hand-lotion, and do whatever you can imagine women doing when they make up. Don’t start asking me how I get to know what they do in there, and don’t allow your mind run riot, please chase the devil away before it possesses your soul, I don’t go into the female conveniences,  but I know what they do there, I have LadyRash don’t ever forget that please. But the funniest part of the whole thing is what they do on coming out of the convenience compartment, the first person they see, they greet in so loud a voice it can wake the dead up, the mission is to make sure they get your attention and you see the fantastic results of all the minutes in the convenience.

Next we move to the small matter of VACATIONS. Note that word “vacation”, we do not call it “leave” in my multinational company, we call it “vacation” and when it is just a few days, we just refer to it as “taking some time off”. If you go on vacation, the day before you resume, just travel to Shoprite and get all those London chocolates and bring along to the office as you resume; that way you would have fit in very well, and if you can add a little accent to it, then you would have fit in perfectly. What I am saying is none of the women in my office has ever spent her vacation in Nigeria, unless she is planning to resume in another company.

Hush please!!! I want to reveal a secret to you; I hope you are reading alone? Check behind you to make sure no one is reading this over your shoulder because what I am about to tell you is a very important top secret that the SSS are not even aware of. ALL THE WOMEN IN MY OFFICE ARE TERRORISTS, NOT JUST TERRORISTS, THEY ACTUALLY COME TO THE OFFICE WITH WEAPONS OF MASS DISTRACTIONS!!! They come to the office every day in these high heels that make this ko-ko-ko-ko-ko-ko-ko-ko-ko sound that whatever you are doing and however deeply you are immersed in it, that ko-ko-ko-ko-ko-ko-ko-ko-ko sound will terrorise you into submitting to being aware of its annoying presence. I mean you will expect these ladies to sit down in one place, but I bet you that is the last thing they do, they keep strutting up and down and all over the place, and driving you mad like Terry-G’s music. That ko-ko-ko-ko-ko-ko-ko-ko-ko sound will become imprinted on your consciousness, etched on your subsconscious, embossed on your imagination and carved into your memory; if you do not hallucinate about it afterwards, just rest assured you cannot die by any accident, only by natural causes. And none of my female colleagues wear anything made in Nigeria, I cannot verify, but every one claims so.

Seriously, I mean seriously, as in no jokes, the next time you see a caring man, whether married, engaged, or just in a relationship , his wife, fiancee or girlfriend works in my multinational company’s Head Office. And the next time you come across an uber-smart kid, find out from him/her, the mum must definitely work in my multinational company’s Head-Office.

Thank You!

God Bless!!

See You Later!!!


Twitter: @SirRash
Facebook: Rasheed SirRash Adewusi

LA ROJA FURIA - LOS CONQUISTADORES

The Stage was the Olympic Stadium in Kiev; the Duel was between Spain’s La Furia Roja and Italy’s La Azzuris; the Occasion was the Final Match of Euro 2012; the Prize was the Henri Delauney Trophy, and the opportunity to write their names into European football folklore. More than 64,000 people crammed into the stadium to watch the spectacle; thousands more trooped into the streets to watch on Giant Screens; and millions more sat in front of television sets worldwide to savour the delicious dish of football that was about to be served by the top two National Teams in European Football.

For the better part of four years, the Spanish Conquistadors have lived up to the appellation by winning both the “2008 Euro Cup” and the “2010 FIFA World Cup.” La Furia Roja did not just win those tournaments, they imposed a playing style which more less make the opponents to chase the game from the beginning to the end. The core of the team is from Barcelona and Real Madrid, two of the most successful and formidable clubs in European Football. So, they are not an unknown quantity. Spain came into the Tournament as one of the Favourites, alongside Germany, Holland, France and Portugal. In the 5 matches they played in the tournament prior to the Final, they had won 4 and drew 1, scoring 8 goals and conceding 1. Many pundits have labeled them boring and predictable, thus reducing their invincibility in the eyes of many fans who rely on the Media for information and analysis.

The Azzuris are not an unknown quantity in World football either, but in recent times, have not been seen as a major force in world football, thanks to the Media also. The last major trophy the Italians have won was the 2006 FIFA world Cup. They came into the Competition as an outsider, won 3 out of the 5 matches played before the Final, including a Penalty shoot-out defeat of England in the Quarter-Final, and a defeat of Prime Favourite Germany in the Semis. The performances against England and Germany made them the new-found Love of the Media who needed a new topic because they were tired of telling us how boring Spain was. They swooned on Andrea Pirlo and Mario Balotelli, and nearly convinced all of us that Spain are not much better than the Super Eagles of Nigeria.

The D-Day came and Spain provided a footballing display which borders on Rape. The match was a display of footballing masterclass by the Red Armada from the Iberian Peninsula. The Spanish Conquistadors conjured a Furious Mist of Red around the Italian Azzuris who found themselves chasing shadows for the most part of the 93 minutes that the duel lasted. Italy’s cause was not helped by injuries though, but nothing could diminish the Iberians deserved victory. All the statistics spoke for themselves and at the end of the game, Italy’s goalkeeper, Gianluigi Buffon summed it all up:

"Tonight, there was no contest, they were too superior - so the bitterness at losing this final is only relative. It was a great adventure."

You cannot but say thumbs up to Buffon for being classy in defeat, anyway, that comes with experience.

Reflectively, any time I look at Spain’s success, I always see the same strain that is applicable in all walks of life – strategy, talent, ambition, dedication, belief, improvement, camaraderie and humility. Quoting Andrew Carnegie:

“Teamwork is the ability to work together toward a common vision. The ability to direct individual accomplishment toward organizational objectives. It is the fuel that allows common people to attain uncommon results.”

Spain has always been known to favour the football strategy which is based on actually playing football, not running like headless chickens, or lumping it around like a watered-down rugby. It was based on skills and efficiency. It was based on possession football, and let us be honest, how can you use the football on the pitch if you don’t have it? These ambitions have been transferred to the clubs who incorporate them into their footballing philosophies. They scout for exceptional talents who they then develop into technically gifted footballers who make the football their slave – they send it on any errand they want to. Yet, they still always seek to improve. Compare England to this.

Someone might ask: how come they have not been successful all these while, why now? The answer is: they have brought camaraderie and humility into the fray; they have dropped their egos at home and brought a team mindset to the national team. The rivalry between Real Madrid and Barcelona extends beyond the football pitch, it is deeply rooted in socio-political realities and these divisions are usually transported into the national team thus allowing discord and enmity to militate against their common goal. Spain has never been short of talented footballers, only short of necessary camaraderie and relevant humility. And with these players at the top of their games, and winning laurels, trophies, and accolades, not forgetting hefty paychecks on weekly basis, as easy as breathing, they are still able to keep their heads and pursue their common goal the way a Medical Doctor normally goes about their work. They do not shout at each other, they cover for each other, and each gives his all for the team. Juxtapose Spain with Holland and/or France and you will begin to understand the importance of camaraderie.

Belief is another very important factor in striving towards success. Yoruba people have a saying that can be loosely translated as “you do not go to the market and start paying undue attention to the noise in the market, you instead focus on what you have gone to the market to do.” Teams realising their own shortcomings against the Spaniards always decide to employ Mourinho’s popularised “parking the bus” approach thus forcing Spain to continuously keep hold of the ball passing it among themselves, taking tiki-taka to another level of monotonous domination. The Media hound-dogs jumped at them calling them boring and labelling them kill-joys. The Ukrainian crowds in Donetsk were barracking them in their semi-final clash with Portugal at the Donbass Arena. Even Arsene Wenger joined the bandwagon:

“They have betrayed their philosophy and turned it into something more negative. Originally they wanted possession in order to attack and win the game; now it seems to be first and foremost a way not to lose”

But like true professionals with clarity of purpose, they stuck to their guns and got on with their games. It is worthy of note that Spain is a dynamic team that can adapt their play to meet the formation the opposition plays. The ruthless trouncing of Italy in the Final Match proved all doubters wrong. Funny and enjoyable how Spain made them eat their humble pie.

Interestingly, this group of players have written their names into European Football Folklore by doing the basics and giving their all. And we have not seen the end of these Spanish domination in football, just look at their bench before you raise an eyebrow; and a whole lot of other players are still left at home nearing their peak. As they savour their moment in the sun, amidst the shouts of “oles” coming from the crowd, I am sure they are already thinking of 2014 in Brazil and asking “why not?”

Thank You!
God Bless Us All!!
See You Next Time!!!

THINKING (NOT STANDING) OUTSIDE THE BOX

A pile of rocks ceases to be a rock when somebody contemplates it with the idea of a cathedral in mind.  ~ Antoine de Saint-Exupery
 
The expression “change is the most constant thing in life” ranks up there as one of those expressions that do not have any effect on me whatsoever any longer. Don’t get me wrong, the statement has an indubitable intrinsic value, but the statement has been so much overused in different situations and in varying contexts to the point where you cannot fathom what it actually preaches:

A man dumps his wife for no tangible reason      - Change is the most constant thing in life

A preacher tries to proselytize to a sinner              - Change is the most constant thing in life
A wife wants to change her skin colour                  - Change is the most constant thing in life
A company wants to lay-off 1000 employees        - Change is the most constant thing in life
A footballer wants to leave a club for another       - Change is the most constant thing in life
US decides to drop bombs in Iraq                           - Change is the most constant thing in life

From the laughable, to the innocuous, to the mundane, to the tragic, the expression comes in handy. It has been used to the point of becoming a cliché. Because we constantly use the expression in contexts which are in direct opposition to each other, it has become trite and doesn’t achieve the desired effect any longer. And you can directly link this fact to the reality that Nigeria keeps changing, but in effect, Nigeria keeps fixating on a spot.

Unfortunately, this is also happening to an expression which is relevant and cogent to our progress as a nation – “thinking out of the box.” That expression is as popular nowadays as Osas is as popular in Benin City. From Boardrooms, to Classrooms, to the Mass Media, even to Football Viewing Centres, what you hear nowadays is “… think outside the box.” Connotatively, this means approaching problems in new, innovative ways; conceptualizing problems differently; and understanding one’s position in relation to any particular situation in a way one would never have thought of before; it is to think differently, unconventionally, or from a new perspective. This expression, in summary, refers to novel or creative thinking. But here we are – are we really thinking out of the box?

Smiling in nostalgia, I vividly remember another expression I have grown accustomed to over my years of skipping from one Multi-national company to another – No one measures efforts, only results. Unfortunately, this holds true in almost all facets of life, and if we have to apply this maxim to “thinking out of the box”, we can all admit we have only been putting the efforts, because the results cannot justify our having turned the expression into a mantra. Just take a look around and do a reality-check – are there really any products that you can pin-point as products of people thinking out of the box? Are we really thinking out of the box or are we just moving around in circles?

Alarmingly, I fear for the future of the country when I interact with the youths who have been bequeathed the unenviable task of leading the nation in the nearest future. Take Twitter for instance, youths are more interested in “setting P”, “famzing celebrities”, “subbing each other” and “twitfighting”; only a few employ Twitter for the purpose of networking with like minds’ sharing knowledge, and promoting growth. Is it not ironic that Mark Zuckerberg did not splash his wedding picture on Facebook? And Badoo is an on-the-go whorehouse. I read somewhere that “as phones become smarter, humans seem to become stupider”, and I somehow agree. Such is the direness of our situation. People can think fast but that is to come up with a weirder response to a dirty curse. The world has become a global village, and we are here exuding pseudo-happiness and exporting what? Nothing tangible. Shame!!! Of course, I am not moralizing here, I am only pointing out a trend which has erroneously made the whole world to consistently label Nigerians the happiest on Earth; we are not the happiest, but we usually forget that we have a cankerworm eating deep into the flesh of our nation every day. Are we really thinking outside the box, or just standing outside the box, or  just jumping on a spot? Honestly, there are a lot of people trying and justifying their efforts, but the oddity is they are just filling gaps, not focusing on the nation’s necessary areas of development. But who are we to blame them?

After doing a lot of thinking (outside the box) about this trend, I have come up with a scenario and a solution. At the moment we are all claiming to think outside the box because we consider that to be the in-thing, I already envisage a time when everybody will be outside the box and no one will be left in the box; the box will be empty and the outside will be filled and valueless because we are all there standing (not necessarily thinking); but we cannot all “sleep and face the same direction”, thus some group of like-minded individuals who still see progress as a necessity will come together and form small circles, and evolve theories and ideas which will be the basis for finding solutions to the nation’s problems.

Nigeria needs ideas. These ideas will come from Nigerians. But not Nigerians who just stand outside the box, claiming to be thinking outside the box; but the aggregate of Nigerians who think “in small circles” while also standing outside the box like every other Nigerian.

Thank You!
God Bless Us All!!
See You Next Time!!!

Twitter: @SirRash

Facebook: Rasheed SirRash Adewusi

FUNNY, THEN HEAVENLY

Good day and welcome to the next time I promised you the last time I was here. Yes, I know, I did not make it sound like the next time was going to be such a long time; but I actually have this time-tested philosophy about time which goes thus: any time you get to enjoy something good is actually the right time to enjoy it. Sounds like a crappy outlook? Adopt it and let us see if it will not stand the test of time.

Seriously, funny things happen all the time. I am talking about really funny things here: like needing one “cooler” and getting twenty “coolers” as wedding presents, but needing a car and not even getting one toy-car as wedding present; like saying you haven’t heard that crappy song “Sister Caro” by the Hopeless K-Switch featuring the Hopeful D’Banj and then all the radio stations decide to put it on repeat, but you have not seen the video of Tinie Tempah’s “Written in the Stars” and for one month, you have not been able to catch it, not even once, on any music channel, on DSTV; like getting to hear a word for the first time in the morning and before the day runs out, you get to hear the word a gazillion times again, but there is a word you have known all your life and then you want to use it, you just cannot remember only to see it on the next billboard after leaving where you were; like seeing a particular model of a car for the first time in the morning, and all through the day it turns out that half of the population of the cars on the roads are just that same particular model; do those funny things happen to you?  You talk about something, and then you get it in excess, or you just do not get it at all, isn’t that funny? But the real funny thing is: those things that usually happen repeatedly or happen non-existently are those things that have no bearing whatsoever on what you have in mind, or if you are unlucky, those  that derail all the plans you have in mind. That was exactly what happened the last time I was here. You might explain that as “Top of the Mind Awareness”; “Sustained Focus”; “Increased Recognition”; or whatever psychological jargon which might eventually lead us to making some Freudian slips; but I know that the Enormous Work Pressure that came immediately after I complained of lack of Work Pressure the last time I was here had nothing to do with the my complain of lack of Work Pressure. But on came the Work Pressure, and it was Enormous. But the purpose of this post is not to bore you with the minute details of the “Enormous Pressure”, but to do among the so many other things you want it to do – gist you about the heavenly weekend that I had.

The Enormous Work Pressure (sorry I had to go back to it) was such that I was looking forward to the weekend as a well-behaved prisoner is looking forward to parole, or the way a runz-girl is looking forward to parol. And the weekend when it came was simply Heavenly. LadyRash was around which meant the food was always punctual and delicious; Abraham decided to up our speed by “Wimaxing the whole house onto SWIFT network; and of course tthree mouth-watering matches in Euro2012 to look-forward to and eventually enjoy. With some juice still in the refrigerator, I could actually up my spirit by downing some Spirits, with the self-deception that dilution will cancel or delay the dreaded liver collapse. In synopsis, the weekend was just as I would love all my days to be, with the gracious addition of money in the bank anyways, because money is the reason why the weekend was heavenly in the first place, and if that finishes, where will we get the money to make the subsequent weekends heavenly?

With LadyRash emerging as the undisputed champion and the eternal winner without even needing to participate in the competition; football won the race among the other peers. For guys who do not love football, I have been looking for words and expressions to describe them, but I have not found any, but I will not give up, when I do find the words and expressions, you will be the first to know. How could anyone not admire the dynamic efficiency of the German Manschaft? How could anyone not adore the artistry of the Spanish La Furia Roja? How could anyone not appreciate the ruthless efficiency of the Italian Azzuris? How could anyone not enjoy the flair and pompousity of Portugal? There were great lessons to be learnt from the matches at the weekend. Germany whitewashed Greece, Greece was too defensive, sometimes you just have to dare. Spain sailed past France like there was no team there, which was true because France wasn’t a team, just a bunch of egotistical individuals like the Samir “Golddigger” Nasri and Patrice “Loudmouth” Evra. For England, there is a level to which mediocrity cloaked in astronomical-hype can take you, and that is as an underdog to an organized and inspired Azurris. The Italians showed that they are not just the dons of organized crime; they are also the dons of organized football. They murdered England dreams and buried the hopes. The British Media are still looking for the remains of the two though.

Thanks also to Abraham’s SWIFT WiMAX, I had unlimited access to the internet, but before you ask me why I could not post anything over the weekend, let me quickly ask you: Did you not get the memo? LadyRash was around. *winks*

Thank You!
God Bless Us All!!
See You Next Time!!!

MONOTONOUSLY BORING

Good morning and welcome to a brand new day. Yes, I know it is already afternoon, but I have decided to call it morning because I have not really done anything today, so to me, the day is still as fresh as new. That is the truth! I woke up (thanks to the alarm); had a poo; took my bath; put some clothes on; put on a matching pair of shoe; went to join the staff-bus; got to work; sat at my desk;  put my PC on; checked mails; surfed the net; and that was how this came about. Tell me in all sincerity, could I have broken any part of that chain of events? Like I could say I did not feel like putting some clothes on, what other option do I have, go to work naked? Or like I could say I got to work and I did not feel like sitting at my desk, would I have gone to sit on the CEO’s chair? Or like I don’t feel like putting my PC on, could I just sit and stare into empty space, or maybe put my head on my desk to take a nap and hope my snore will not disturb the whole office? Nothing that I have done today, that I did not have to do. The short thing I am trying to say, but which requires a lot of words to say is: ROUTINE, MONOTONY AND BOREDOM are the hallmarks of my job. My Job Title should read - Manager: Boredom and Monotony.

Imagine if you live your life just going through the motions every day! The only times I get some form of excitement is when it is cascaded from the Top. Let us say there was a network interruption during the weekend, and the company lost some Revenues through that; of course, that would negatively impact Revenue Projections and distort AOP; which invariably means the Top-Line will reflect a Negative Variance versus Target; and the Bottom Line will not be spared because OpEx  was constant all through the interruption; and the Africa Group is not ready to listen to any excuse from the OpCo Heads; and the OpCo Heads believe the Revenue was only missed and not lost, and it is somewhere waiting for us to come and recoup it, and we only have to come up with a plan to go and recoup it, and while recouping it, nothing must happen to the other streams of Revenue, as in this is not even additional, it is our birthright that we have misplaced and we have to go and reclaim, and while reclaiming it, the main Revenue must also be fully maximized, if not surpassed. Now you are beginning to understand what I mean by excitement. In reality, it is PRESSURE. You have to come up with a short-term-strategy that will achieve what a long-term-strategy failed to achieve. But when you deliver the strategy and the execution and the result comes in positive, you have that sense of fulfillment that I can only liken to an orgasm. Apologies for my choice of analogy, it is just that like those fantastic strategies, orgasm is something that I have personally achieved, repeatedly. Unfortunately, Indians are extra-ordinarily meticulous, finicky, fastidious, fuss-budgety, and persnickety such that mistakes are few and far in-between; thus excitement comes once-in-a-while; and in-between the “whiles” lies a very long sequence of hours that have to be filled-up by being busy doing nothing. And SirRash finds that MONOTONOUS, BORING.

I can see some people grimacing already: thinking this dude must be an ungrateful lad *heavy frown*…. He has a job and he still complains *heavier frown*… The work is even simple, imagine, he even blogs at work *WTF*… Actually, I am not complaining, the only other job I can trade this job for is the JOB with a BIGGER ORGANISATION, that offers DOUBLE THE MONEY, and BETTER OPPORTUNITIES which must include working from home so I can blog from home and stop blogging at work, because sometimes my conscience pricks me. Jah (clasps both hands, put them just under my chin with the two thumbs stroking my beards, and lift my face up to the ceiling), please forgive me, You and I know I would not be doing this if there were some other Word,  Excel and/or Powerpoint sheets to occupy my time.

I think I have tried for now. Let me go and pay attention to the 22 Tracks of Banky W and his EME Sidekicks Empire Mates State Of Mind (The Album); who knows, I might even review the album later. For now, let me go and listen and enjoy or or probably endure, who knows.

Thank You!
God Bless Us All!!
See You Next Time!!!

TEARY MUSINGS

No one is an island
From Yorubaland to Kiwiland

Yet we live cat and mouse
And emulate the louse

Our prerogatives- Selfish
Our attitudes- Fiendish

I'm abysmally Claustrophobic
And concurrently Agoraphobic

Are we irredeemaby Machiavellian?
Can't we prove Hobbes a liar?

NIGERIA: REINFORCING “LUDICROUS” SINCE 1960

Never mistake motion for action.  ~Ernest Hemingway

With the benefits of hindsight, we can absolutely say the marriage that birthed NIGERIA was not built on love or affection. Though the courtship lasted all of 46 years, not much of interaction and integration took place to create an amalgamation in the real sense of the world. The amalgamation, in its conception and in its execution, was just a paper union that made it easier for the Colonial masters to carry out their plunder; it was not to make the ethnic groups a unified major group with a sense and feel of National Identity. In essence, the emergence of Nigeria as a Nation-State in 1960 was a mismatch in its crudest form.

Alas, that was just the extent to which we could blame Britain for our woes. For the deplorable state where we are today and for the ignominious history we have been able to pen for our nation since 1960, Nigeria and Nigerians must take full and absolute RESPONSIBILITY. For the history, I will not dwell on that, smarter brains and sharper minds than mine have put all that in textbooks, in magazines, in newspapers, in journals, on tapes, on websites, and on so many other other means of storing information for the sole purpose of posterity. The past cannot be changed, neither can it be re-written, we can only learn from it, something we have not done up to this moment. I am concerned about the present and what it reflects and portends for the continuous existence and the desired prosperity of Nigeria.

Nigerians, individually, are industrious and hardworking. Nigerians have always learnt to ignore their government and depend on themselves and their neighbours to find solutions to their problems and forge ahead together. Nigerians, through Community Development Associations (CDAs) contribute funds to buy transformers, poles, cables and meters from PHCN, they even pay for the workmanship to get everything fixed, fitted and erected. Then, PHCN refuses to supply electricity, and Nigerians will still go and get power generating sets and start generating their own power. Nigerians have grown accustomed to not asking questions and not demanding for their rights. Typical Nigerians build their own houses which has its own bore-hole or well; its own power generating set in form of Mikano/Lister/Honda; its own security in form of private guards/maigurads; and every other thing needed. This on the back of huge and multiple taxes they pay at source, especially when they work in the private sector, and most especially when they reside in Lagos state. Nothing works in Nigeria. The Hospitals become death traps, Nigerians patronize private hospitals and pay through their noses. The schools are closed, Nigerians send their children to private schools and pay through their noses also. Nothing works and no questions are asked.

Disheartening the more, those were not the only traits Nigerians share. Majority, and I am talking about a very large majority, of Nigerians are the archetypal specimens of bigotry, tribalism, and religiousness. These are etched into the consciousness of Nigerians to the point where nothing gets done because Federal Character will not make it work. Every interaction is conceived in Tribalism, executed in Bigotry, and sustained in Religion. Little wonder nothing gets done.

It is well-known and amply documented that the myriads of problems that drove Nigeria to this “Precipice of Hopelessness” where we hover at the moment can be traced to Institutionalized Corruption; but the final push that will plunge Nigeria into the “Abyss of Disillusionment” is Institutionalized Inaction.  Do not get me wrong, there is action everywhere: corruption in high places is still sewn into the fabrics of our daily lives, and terrorism has become the order of the day to the point where I believe there is a template on the desktop of the President aide’s PC which only requires them to change the date and the location whenever a man-made disaster strikes, because what we hear every time is the same mumbo jumbo. The President has recently even gone to the point of saying he is powerless, quoting Psalm 91, but the last time I checked, we do not run a Theocracy. Mr President, like the Jews say: do not be wise in words - be wise in deeds. When the government borders on non-existent, through its inaction, that is a huge tinderbox waiting to explode.

Nigerians are capable of protecting themselves, but if they have to stand up and do it by themselves, that is the end of Nigeria as we know it. It will lead to Anarchy, probably Military Intervention, and worst case scenario a Civil war with its attendant horror of wanton destruction and genocide. I am not a doom-monger, I am only pointing us to the past in a bid to point us to a future which should not be allowed to become a reality. What happened yesterday in Kaduna is reminiscent of the two coups of 1966, and it is as simple as Newton’s First Law of Motion. If the President allows Nigerians to take actions into their own hands, that might be the end of Nigeria as we know it. The President came to power on the back of a campaign of hope, themed with the popular “I had no shoes” slogan, and promising a better future through his “Transformational Agenda”… Like the Italians would say “Between saying and doing, many a pair of shoes is worn out.” …A year has rolled by, but the only things that have transformed are: government ineptitude, institutionalized corruption, and terrorism; they have transformed into gigantic multi-fanged monsters gearing to consume the whole nation.

Nigeria, now is the time to ask questions; request answers; and demand actions.

WWW: The Genesis

This is a start which I hope will be looked back upon as a pivotal moment in my life; and by extension, the lives of everyone and anyone that gets to read this.

I had decided long ago that I had to open a blog, but I had been too busy on the streets making people happy. Someone, somewhere, somehow decided that people on the streets had had enough of me and decided to put me on a swivelling chair, at the end of a long desk, in front of an HP PC, in an open office. You would think "Voila, here begets a Blogger!!!" So, I thought too, until I tried to get online and realised that even google is INACCESSIBLE. My PC is always connected to the internet, but I cannot go online. Hello?! I could understand if you block those porn sites (who would want to watch porn in an open office anyway), I would understand if you blocked Facebook and Twitter (those are considered Gossip sites anyway, and we should not encourage gossipping in the office, even if it cannot qualify as office gossips), I should understand if you blocked all those sites where credit card information can be retrieved (that is assuming you know them); but how in the world could you block LinkedIn, Wikipedia, and the almighty Google??? I believe the thought would have been: with Microsoft Office installed on Official HP PC in an open Office, what else would a Civilian Officer need? What I have been trying to say is: my laptop was just like a typical manilla file sold for N20 in a typical bookshop on Ojuelegba Road, when you are coming from Yaba; anything you did not put there, do not expect to find it there.

That was how the idea remained an idea, because like a weak spermatozoon, millions of other ideas, from other people's heads (not from my head), and moving in opposite direction, were alive and strong enough to make sure it remained an idea. Until our cries went around and finally got to the geeks in the IT Department, who pressed some letters and numbers that we also normally press, and achieved results that we cannot ever achieve whether normally, abnormally, or paranormally. The length and breadth of it is that, life finally came into the Official HP PC, and with CTRL+ENTER, after some some letter-combinations (geeky, isn't  it?), I can be transported to anywhere in the world. It was such a journey that finally brought me here to bring my "blognancy" into the Labour Room (do they still call it that name? that sounds kinda scary), and the baby is "Wise Wide and Wild".

I aptly name this Blog "Wise Wide and Wild" simply because that is what you will get from here. The topic willl come as the spirit leads, as the occassion demands, or sometimes as you demand. They will range from the serious to the mundanne to the outlandish. Sometimes they will educate, sometimes they will inform, sometimes they will entertain, most times they will do the three together; I pray a time never comes when they will bore.

This is the just the Genesis. Expect an Exodus of Posts from Me to You... A Chronicle of Wise Wide and Wild posts that will keep you always running back. The gracious Act of spreading the messsage about this Blog will be appreciated, please be my Apostles. And I also need Revelations from you in form of comments and criticisms so I can always meet your lofty standards.

Thank You!
God Bless Us All!!
See You Next Time!!!