DENUDING THE ENGLISH LANGUAGE

Language is the blood of the soul into which thoughts run and out of which they grow.  ~Oliver Wendell Holmes

As a Language Purist, every time I see someone murder any language, especially the English Language, through spelling, tense, or pronunciation, I cringe to the bone marrow. I consider Language as an integral part of a society’s identity which reflects how much progression or retrogression you can ascribe to such a society; thus any maltreatment of the language portrays the society as wicked and heartless. You can say this again and again for Yoruba Language, my Mother-Tongue.

Eeriely, we Language Purists are becoming endangered species no thanks to the proliferation of smart devices and unending texting which has given birth to blatant ABBREVIATION and indiscriminate ACRONYMING. We could blame this on SMS limiting us to a mere 160 characters; we could blame also blame this on Twitter further reducing that to 140 characters; and we could further blame this on life becoming so fast-paced that we have to always chase after it thus having no time to type full words not to mention sentences; but I absolutely believe we got to this point due to our penchance for taking everything to the extreme. Abbreviation and Acronyming are acceptable word-formation processes, but when we consistently abbreviate whole sentences, it beggars commonsense and comprehensibility.

I know some of us will never write or speak this way, but most people we relate with write and speak this way now, so we have to also familiarize ourselves with them so we do not look like Villagers at a Comic-Con with everyone writing and speaking Klingon and we looking like we have just died and gone to Hell. Here are a few of these unavoidable aberrations, note that the list is inexhaustible, and like deadly bacteria, they multiply fast:

2U2 = To You, Too
AAMOF = As A Matter Of Fact
AFAIK = As Far As I Know
AFAIC = As Far As I'm Concerned
AFAICT = As Far As I Can Tell
AFK = Away From Keyboard
ASAP = As Soon As Possible
BAK = Back At Keyboard
BBL = Be Back Later
BITMT = But In The Meantime
BOT = Back On Topic
BRB = Be Right Back
BTW = By The way
C4N = Ciao For Now
CRS = Can't Remember Stuff
CU = See You
CUL(8R) = See You Later
CWOT = Complete Waste Of Time
CYA = See Ya
DITYID = Did I Tell You I'm Distressed?
DIY = Do It Yourself
EOD = End Of Discussion
EZ = Easy
F2F = Face To Face
FAQ = Frequently Asked Questions
FBOW = For Better Or Worse
FOAF = Friend Of A Friend
FOCL = Falling Off Chair Laughing
FWIW = For What It's Worth
FYA = For Your Amusement
FYI = For Your Information
GA = Go Ahead
GAL = Get A Life
GBTW = Get Back To Work
GFC = Going For Coffee
GFETE = Grinning From Ear To Ear
GMTA = Great Minds Think Alike
GR&D = Grinning, Running & Ducking
GTG = Got To Go
GTGTTBR = Got To Go To The Bathroom
GTRM = Going To Read Mail
HAND = Have A Nice Day

HBD = Happy Birthday
HHOK = Ha Ha Only Kidding
HTH = Hope This Helps
IAC = In Any Case
IAE = In Any Event
IC = I See

IDGAF = I Don’t Give A Fuck
IDGI = I Don't Get It

IJN = In Jesus Name
IMCO = In My Considered Opinion
IMHO = In My Humble Opinion
IMNSHO = In My Not So Humble Opinion
IMO = In My Opinion
IMPE = In My Previous/Personal Experience
IMVHO = In My Very Humble Opinion
IOTTMCO = Intuitively Obvious To The Most Casual Observer
IOW = In Other Words
IRL = In Real Life
ISP = Internet Service Provider
IYKWIM = If You Know What I Mean
JIC = Just In Case
JK = Just Kidding
KISS = Keep It Simple Stupid
L8TR = Later
LD = Later Dude

LLNP = Long Life And Prosperity
LOL = Laughing Out Loud
LTNS = Long Time No See
MorF = Male or Female
MTCW = My Two Cents Worth
NRN = No Reply Necessary
ONNA = Oh No, Not Again
OOMF= One Of My Followers

OTOH = On The Other Hand
OTTOMH = Off The Top Of My Head
OIC = Oh I See
OTF = On The Floor
OLL = Online Love
PCMCIA = People Can't Memorize Computer Industry Acronyms
PLS = Please
PU = That Stinks!
REHI = Hello Again (re-Hi!)
ROFL = Rolling On Floor Laughing
ROTF = Rolling On The Floor
ROTFL = Rolling On The Floor Laughing

ROTFLMAO = Rolling On The Floor Laughing My Ass Out

RSN = Real Soon Now
RTDox = Read The Documentation/Directions
RTFM = Read The Fricking Manual
RUOK = Are You OK?
SNAFU = Situation Normal; All Fouled Up
SO = Significant Other
SOL = Smiling Out Loud (or You're Out of Luck)
TANSTAAFL = There Ain?t No Such Thing As A Free Lunch
TAFN = That's All For Now

TBH = To Be Honest
TEOTWAWKI= The End Of The World As We Know It
THX = Thanks
TIA = Thanks In Advance
TLK2UL8R = Talk to you later
TMK = To My Knowledge
TOS = Terms Of Service
TPTB = The Powers That Be
TSWC = Tell Someone Who Cares
TTBOMK = To The Best Of My Knowledge
TTFN = Ta-Ta For Now
TTYL(8R) = Talk To You Later
TWIMC = To Whom It May Concern

TWMA = Till We Meet Again
TXS = Thanks
URL = Web Page Address
WB = Welcome Back
W/O = Without
WRT = With Regard To
WTG = Way To Go
WU? = What's Up?
WWW = World Wide Web
WYSIWYG = What You See Is What You Get

XOXO = Lots of Kisses
YGIAGAM = Your Guess Is As Good As Mine
YGWYPF = You Get What You Pay For
YMMV = Your Mileage May Vary
ZZZ = Sleeping

Going by the words of Samuel Johnson - “Language is the dress of thought” - obviously, we have stripped ours down to its underpants. Hopefully, we will realise at this point that we have gone too far and make a detour or better still, a perfect u-turn...else our kids will grow up thinking they speak English while the whole world looks on in amusement thinking we are re-enacting the biblical scene at Babel.

Thank You!

God Bless Us All!!

See You Next Time!!!

Twitter: @SirRash

Facebook: Rasheed SirRash Adewusi

THE HORSETAIL

Literally, the easiest thing in Nigeria of today is to write about the myriad of ills persistently afflicting the nation. Presently, the Baga Massacre, the Nassarawa-Eggon Bloodshed; and Asari-Dokubo's Interview are events that would make you lose total hope in Nigeria, Humans, or Life in general. These events have been megaphoned in the Traditional Media and analysed cum dissected on Cyberspace; bringing it up again would be like flogging a dead horse.

But should I just pretend these didn’t happen and go ahead writing about other funny stuffs in a funny way? I decided not to ignore this festering wound, but to approach it from another angle. Hope you enjoy my poem.

THE HORSETAIL

Life is a mirage, a fleeting illusion.

A road paved with thorns and hedged with nettles.

An empty barrel full of if-onlys.

Life is a terrible bully.

An ogre fond of devastation and destruction.

A basilisk eager to cause cries and despair.

A devil beating, battering, and bruising.

Life is a lengthy sad drama

Staged by a reluctant cast

Embellished with cacophonous elegy and dirge

Of which happiness is just an interlude

But never the essence.

Life, become anything you wish to:

An abyss, a dungeon or even hell,

Or worse still Dante's inferno.

But just one thing We am sure of:

As the Horsetail is cut out for Honour;

So are We destined for Greatness.

Thank You!

God Bless Us All!!

See You Next Time!!!

Twitter: @SirRash

Facebook: Rasheed SirRash Adewusi

MNP - "PORT" IS THE NEW "SWAG"

"Swagger" as a word was reputed to have been coined by the great wordsmith, William Shakespeare, as far back as 1590, in one of his classic plays “A Midsummer Night's Dream”; but on this side of the Atlantic, home to about 160 million people, we could as well claim “swagger” only came into our vocabulary in the late 2000s. Sauce Kid, now Sinzu, first introduced the word into the mainstream with his song “yebariba sanboribobo” where he kept repeating the hook “swagger swagger, hiiiinnnnn” (whatever that meant or means)… then the self-professed mad-man, Terry G, took it up a notch by mentioning the word in every one of his songs, then he took it up another notch by naming an album “Ginjah Ur Swaggah”, and from there, “Swagger” became Naija’s “Gangnam Style”, and woe betides any hip-hop artiste who refuses to use the word in a track, or any soft sell journalist or blogger who keeps malice with the word in an article/post.

Interestingly, this post is not about Swagger/Swagga/Swag/Swags/ Swagz, it is about a new word that has come to displace that popular family – PORT. Obviously, this is not a new coinage, neither in spelling, nor in context, but the rate at which it has gained popularity in Nigeria in the last two weeks could only be rivalled by the way President Goodluck Jonathan keeps making enemies (especially on Social Media Platforms) since January 2012. Wiktionary defines PORT in this context as:

i) (computing, video games) To adapt, modify, or create a new version of, a program so that it works on a different platform; to adapt a console video game title to be sold and played on another brand of console.

ii) (telephony) To carry or transfer an existing telephone number from one telephone service provider to another.

Thus, for the kick-off of the Mobile Number Portability (MNP) exercise in Nigeria on the 21^st of April 2010, the Nigerian Communications Commission (NCC) and all the Telecommunications Companies (TELCOs) were right to adopt the word PORT as the standard expression; actually, they had to because they had no better option. But none of the TELCOs could have predicted the acceptance and mileage PORT would gain in a few weeks. “PORT” is now a synonym for everything that involves movement or the notional idea of changing position- from travelling, to changing jobs, going to bed, getting married, and even defecating. In synopsis, PORT is the new SWAG.

Expectedly, all the TELCOs have hidden behind adverts to fight the MNP war- MTN went gung-ho by successful porting Saka from Etisalat and that resonates well with most people; AIRTEL's piece, though a jab specifically at MTN, is mature and classy and also resonated with many, but I met some people who suggested Airtel should have accompanied it with a manual; ETISALAT's piece is also mature and classy, not aimed specifically at anyone (if you discount the switch at the end *winks*)but it was dull compared to Etisalat itself; and GLO decided to go the route of Dear John with special emphasis on the red colour, surprising to say the least, but people seem to have little expectation of GLO. But isn’t the MNP war supposed to be fought with quality of service?

Ironically, as funny and interesting as this reality is, it does not inspire much joy, because the essence of the MNP exercise is being lost somewhere in the middle. MNP is meant to give subscribers lots of choice and freedom, it is supposed to bring a new dimension to the competition in the industry, it is expected to make all network operators to work harder to earn the trust of subscribers, because subscribers will now have choices in a new dimension, but has anything really changed? The general consensus is that MTN will be the loser in this, but the reality is that there is no Utopia with any of the service providers, it is simply a case of being flanked on the four sides by a rock, an iron fence, a mountain, and a hard place, and deciding which of the four you find least worrisome.

Presently, subscribers ascribe affordability and reliability in data connectivity to Airtel and Etisalat; qualitative network coverage to Airtel and MTN; but responsible and accessible customer service to none. As long as all the service providers cannot single-handedly provide all the basic values expected of Mobile Telephony viz-a-viz qualitative coverage, affordable tariffs, reliable data connectivity, and accessible/responsive customer service, Nigerians will still subscribe to at least two of the four major providers with each serving different purposes. It is high time TELCOs woke up to the fact that these subscribers want their cups always full but TELCOs at the moment are offering cups which are only half-full, or half-empty.

Thank You!

God Bless Us All!!

See You Next Time!!!

Twitter: @SirRash

Facebook: Rasheed SirRash Adewusi

EAGLES: SUPER! SUPERB!! SUPERIOR!!!

Writing about the AFCON 2013 after the Super Eagles triumph would seem such an easy task, but only for the hypocrites. To see people make a 360 degrees detour from calling them “Super Chickens” to “Super Eagles”, and to watch “the undisputed draw-masters” become “the true kings of Africa” in 7 days is an intrigue Kim Kardashian will dream of having on her Reality TV show. It was just as if the Eagles were waiting for the completion of the Knockout Stages to really display all the great qualities that sets them apart from other avians: vision, aggression, agility, decisiveness, and flair. The Eagles did not just win the the knockout stage matches by the scoreline, they equally won by the performance. They were truly deserving champions after dominating Zambia - the defending champions; Cote D’Ivoire – the pre-tournament clear favourites; Mali – a tournament favourite; and Burkina Faso – the conqueror of Ghana (a pre-tournament favourite). The vigour with which I criticized the Eagles when they looked like they have lost their wings is the same vigour with which I have to surpass now that they are soaring higher than our imagination.

Expectedly, just as I projected, the competition opened up in the last round of group stage matches and it never went back to sleep. Highlights of the tournament include debutantes Cape Verde bracing all the odds to make it to the knockout stage; defending champions Zambia crashing out in the first round; all the North African representatives crashing out in the first round; Cote D’Ivoire crashing out against Nigeria without a fight; Nigeria mauling Mali in the Semi Final; and Nigeria deservedly winning the competition having outplayed all their opponents and outscored all the other teams in the competition. It was extremely impressive and highly jingoistic to see Sunday Oliseh on DSTV wearing the garment of an analyst, a job he handled with the same dexterity with which he manned the midfield the last time the Super Eagles won the Trophy in Tunisia ’94.

Amid the euphoria, we must not lose sight of the shortcomings of AFCON 2013: the Mbombela stadium at Nelspruit should never have been part of the competition, not even as a training pitch; most of the Referees at the competition needs to be investigated for ties with betting syndicates because it seemed they were hell-bent on determining the winners and not adjudicating the contests; and lastly, information sharing should be handled more effectively to avoid accusations and insinuations that continues to negatively impact the integrity of CAF and the AFCON itself.

Two thumbs-up to Stephen “Big Boss” Keshi for once again achieving beyond all expectations. He has written his name into the history books of African football. After qualifying unknown Togo for the FIFA World Cup, and leading Togo and Mali to the Nations Cup albeit with less success, this competition provided an opportunity to redeem his image, but he did more than that, he actually cemented his status as a Coach to be reckoned with in Africa. He stood his ground, chose his team on merit and relevance rather than reputation, stuck to his ideals even when results were not forthcoming, tweaked his tactics when necessary while others were tweeting, motivated his lads, and the AFCON trophy is a testament to his ingenuity. The players really deserve kudos for playing their hearts out and immersing themselves into the tasks, this was the tournament where Mikel came of age for Nigeria, where Emenike, Mba, Omeruo, Oboabona, Onazi, Ogude and Ideye announced themselves to Nigerians, where Enyeama once again proved his importance to the Super Eagles; and where the Super Eagles reignited the passion and belief in Nigeria.

In the end, we have to give it to the Bard of Stratford-upon-Avon, his timeless saying “all is well that ends well” also rings true here because Jacob Zuma is presently grinning from ear to ear as he got more than he wished for with African countries actually winning the top three prizes: Nigeria won the Gold, Burkina-Faso made do with the Silver, Mali grabbed the Bronze; and Ghana with all the aiding and abetting by Referees went back home with empty bottles of Alomo Bitters!!!

Thank You!

God Bless Us All!!

See You Next Time!!!

Twitter: @SirRash

Facebook: Rasheed SirRash Adewusi

AFCON 2013: HAIRDOS, DANCE-STEPS AND DODGY CALLS

The Festival of Ginger Dance-steps and Weird Hairdos, better known as AFCON2013, has been on for more than a week and being an African with a fanatical love for football, I think it is only normal I devote this post to CAF’s pre-eminent football completion. This post should have come up last week, but due to dearth of information on the teams cum players, it couldn’t, and after 9 days of football, I have to confess there is as much to write about as describing the features of a unicellular organism.

Luckily, I was able to watch 7 out of the 16 matches played so far and damn right I was lucky, ask those who watched all the matches what their action would be if they were given access to a time-machine, I bet the answer would be a resounding AYE to availing themselves of the opportunity to travel back in time to February 18th. Here are a few snippets as to why: out of the 16 matches played so far, 8 of them were draws (3 were scoreless draws); only 26 Goals have been scored (4 matches account for 14 of those); thousands of sleep-inducing minutes of football have been spent, and a bazillion officiating errors have been recorded. To look on the bright side, a dozen new dance-steps have been demonstrated, and a million hairstyles have been showcased.

Ordinarily, we are all guilty of pessimism when it comes to the land of Africa, anything African, and we Africans, but I have to concede that the pessimism is well-founded this time around. I was one of the few who stuck my neck out for AFCON2013 to be a veritable testament to how far African football has come, but I have to apologise, I was wrong. This logical optimism was based on two major factors: the large contingent of African footballers plying their trade in Europe, and the other far recesses of the world where football development has penetrated; and the huge number of footballers who had taken advantage of new FIFA rules to switch nationality to African countries. But all these seem to count for nothing as the North Africans – Morocco, Tunisia, Algeria – who benefitted most from nationality switch are faring the worst in this tournament.

Officiating has been another sour-point of AFCON2013. There seem to be no consistency to the calls and there is obviously a lack of understanding between Referees and Assistants most of the time. Knotty calls like “active and passive offside” and “goalkeepers handling outside the 18-yard box” have continued to make fools out of match officials, and the players and coaches have started speaking of conspiracies. Nigeria’s Super Eagles, albeit not being a fantastic team, has been at the receiving end of this dodgy decisions, and those were painful to say the least.

Axiomatically, even if the cloud is as dark as Aristide Bance, there would still be a silver lining somewhere, or even golden lining like the hair on his head. The competition has only gone halfway, and it is just getting to the crucial stages where some teams have to remain in South Africa only for sight-seeing, which means the Grade C and D chaffs would have been separated from the Grade B and A chaffs, (if you have ever visited the pre-Fashola Yaba Railway Line and you pretend like you do not understand this, God is watching you in 3D), and things can only improve. Moreso, most of these players come from different teams in different leagues and the philosophies are different, so let us take this to be acclimatization period and hope the cohesion will start manifesting henceforth.

Let us keep the hope alive, things can only get better, and if they do not, the matches would only have reduced, and February 10th would have been closer, let us endure till then. 

Thank You!

God Bless Us All!!

See You Next Time!!!

Twitter: @SirRash

Facebook: Rasheed SirRash Adewusi

THE POLICE IS YOUR FIEND

The recent news of the arrest of @eggheader by men of the Nigerian Police for taking pictures of an uncompleted windmill in Katsina has jolted my memory and brought emotions pouring out like tears from the face of Rachel Oniga. For clarification purpose, @eggheader is a high-ranking official of the Nigerian Twitterati and his arrest generated the expected brouhaha on the internet: from the netherworld of surprises, attractions, and confusion called Twitter; to that open court called Facebook; and the haven of opinions called blogosphere, the news was broken, disseminated, analyzed, dissected, buried, exhumed, and at the moment is simultaneously lying-in-state in different parts of the internet.

I have to confess @eggheader is a lucky man, he was told why he was arrested, he was questioned like a gentleman, his belongings were not seized, and he was released on the same day, these were the luxuries that were not afforded to yours truly when the Police offered a taste of their friendship to him at around 8:30pm on Wednesday, 14th February, 2007. It was a breezy Wednesday evening but I defied the elements to go and watch my beloved Arsenal play against Bolton Wanderers in an FA Cup replay match at my favourite viewing centre on Old Yaba Road in Ebute-Metta, my hood, where I grew up. Arsenal won the match 3-1, with two goals from Adebayor and one from Ljunberg, but I did not see the match live because I was rounded up by the Police on my way to the viewing center.

It was a commando style attack that would have rid Nigeria of criminals if they are deployed on the right people at the right places. It was like reliving that scene from the movie 44 Minutes where the cops came in from all angles, blocked all exits and focused the high light beams on the criminals, only that these policemen were sporadically shooting into the air, and the light beams were danfo headlights, and we were not criminals, just innocent bystanders and passers-by with neither weapons nor criminal intents. We were all rounded up and loaded into the Danfos with gun-toting policemen hanging on the doors like lawless bus-conductors. I quickly called Lakers to inform him of my predicament, unfortunately, he was not around and it was then that it dawned on me that I would be spending that night in a police cell. We were all taken to Adekunle Police Station, beside the State CID popularly known as Panti, in Ebute-Metta. On getting there, men who could afford it were let go after greasing the palms of the policemen around and the rest of us were relieved of our belongings and shirts and herded into cells already filled-up with some other guys who I am reluctant to refer to as criminals considering how I came to find myself there.

Exaggeration aside, that was the longest 10 hours I had ever spent in my life, before I spent another 17 hours in a “The Young Shall Grow Bus” from Lagos to Sokoto for NYSC Assignment. The cell was like a village playground with red dust on the floor, with the smell of sweat and the odour of filth permeating everywhere. To maximize space, we were all made to sit with our legs spread wide apart and then bent upwards at the knee such that the back of the person in front rests directly on the stomach of the person at his back and his arms rests on his bent knees. The experience was all like a dream and I kept trying to recall how the day started and how I managed to end up in Adekunle Police Station. I had spent the whole day indoors hugging my GMAT Study Guide in preparation for Aptitude Test at Zenith Bank the following day, I only left the house in the night because of my undying love for Arsenal, I guess we can say Arsenal owe me some barrels of happiness. It’s a fair exchange.

People started flocking to the station around 6am to do what they had to do and take their people home. The policemen kept coming to call people out the way a nurse normally calls patients in to go see the doctor. My Dad, who lives in Alagbado in Ogun State, eventually came to the Station around 7:30am and did what he had to do and I was called out of the cell. While I was waiting for my belongings which were taken from me the night before, the policemen emptied the cells, brought all the inmates out and make them sit in a semi-circle; from nowhere, different weapons ranging from daggers, home-made pistols, automatic weapons, rounds of ammunitions, and several sacks of marijuana were all packed in their front; a television crew from NTA Tejuosho started filming, and a spokesman for the police started explaining to the reporter that they got a tip-off about a criminal hotspot in the heart of Ebute-Metta which they followed up on, and with their expertise and tactical nous they were able to apprehend the criminals and recover the weapons and drugs on display. I was astounded and confounded! How could people be this heartless?! These were innocent passers-by and bystanders who were rounded up, some right in front of their houses! I was lost for words and I kept looking at all the policemen trying to convince myself that they were actually human-beings.

Like lightning, the reality of the ordeal I had just experienced hit me at that point, and all the pent-up emotions had to be unshackled and I broke into tears and I continued to weep uncontrollably for about 30 minutes. I imagined the cheap publicity I would have earned for a wrong reason. For a brief moment, I imagined all the ladies I have eared my collars up for while explaining to them why we should be together. I envisioned what my family and friends would feel upon seeing me being ‘advertised’ as a hemp dealer and user. @eggheader is a lucky man. Deep in the heart of police cells across the country are innocent folks who today are incarcerated for just "walking around" on their streets. It is not an experience I wish to recount again or wish any innocent Nigerian experience. Each time I see a police man, several thoughts rape my mind. In my private moments however, I process the thoughts of who they are clearly. They are members of our society. They belong here. They were not imported from Mali or from Kabul. If suddenly the police force in Nigeria is friendly, we should be afraid. It is tantamount to the kind of fear mixed with surprise you feel when suddenly you have power in your house for 24 hours. That’s UnPHCNish! @eggheader, if it is the Gangnam Style you prefer, please help yourself. If it is Azonto, please feel free. You are a lucky man.

Thank You!

God Bless Us All!!

See You Next Time!!!

Twitter: @SirRash

Facebook: Rasheed SirRash Adewusi

RESUSCITATION A LA RESOLUTION, REMINISCENCE, AND REINVIGORATION

Howdy!!! Happy New Year!!! May this Year be the Best of Our Lives so Far!!!

It has been a while since we met on these hallowed pages. My going AWOL is neither pity-inducing nor tears-welcoming, it is something largely owing to procrastination, but I would rather leave that discussion for another day. Anyway, this is the beginning of a new year when resolutions are still standing strong and sturdy, thus the penning of this post. One of my New Year resolutions is to always ensure at least one post a week on this blog and I fervently hope this resolution will not go the way of my resolution to abstain from porn, back when I was 22-years-old; it usually took me up to the flipping of the calendar to February to backslide, only to come back the following year with the same resolution. Suffice to say I eventually overcame that addiction when I was 25 when I realized the movies were anything but educational. Since I could actually do better than the actors in the movies; I promptly gave up watching and intensified acting my own movies, albeit behind closed doors (most of the time) and in the absence of those massive lights and cameras.

Obviously, many things have changed since the last time we met here: Dame now (thinks she) looks like Kim Kardashian a la her uninterrupted two months sojourn overseas crisscrossing Germany and Dubai; Private Jets have become typical Birthday Presents a la Pastor Ayo Oritsejafor; Laptops and LED Televisions are now veritable souvenirs at Weddings a la Vice president Sambo; State Governors have become Endangered Species a la air and road mishaps; Motorcycles have become another revenue stream for the “friendly” Nigerian Police a la Lagos Traffic Laws; Barack Obama continues as the President of the USA a la Credible Elections; Nigerian Farmers now need Mobile Phones more than Funding and Fertilizer a la Minister of Agriculture Dr Adewunmi Adeshina; D’Banj flew a dozen international A-artistes to Nigeria and made Nigerians trek to see them perform a la KokoConcert; Osaze Odemwingie has deposed Charlie Sheen as the Undisputed King of Meltdowns a la Twitter Rants, DANA is busy in the air again a la Cheap Fares;… But many things have still not changed: Arsenal is still as erratic as PHCN; GEJ is still as success-assuring as seeing a blind-folded one-legged octogenarian represent your country in the 100m at the Summer Olympics; Cost of living is still skyrocketing in Lagos; Twitter Warlords are still sharing territories and protecting their domains; and I still remain my humble self.

And that leads me to the purpose of this post which is not about anything in particular as we might all have realized by now, but it is about announcing my resuscitation and providing a glimpse into what you should expect every week which is: discussion of a burning issue served as a dish of “logical analysis”, garnished with “witty statements”, and sprinkled with “humour”.  The Blog is still aptly named "Wise Wide and Wild" simply because that is what you will get from here. The topic will come as the spirit leads, as the occasion demands, or sometimes as you demand. They will range from the serious, the mundane and to the outlandish. Sometimes they will educate, sometimes they will inform, sometimes they will entertain, most times they will do the three together; I pray a time never comes when they will bore.

Thank You!

God Bless Us All!!

See You Next Time!!!

Twitter: @SirRash

Facebook: Rasheed SirRash Adewusi

HOPE 2000 - MY JAMB STORY

Hope 2000 will be hazy, like watching only Part 7 of a 10-Part Nollywood movie (watching the whole Parts from 1 – 10 wouldn’t clear the haze anyway), unless I take you down memory lane. Strap yourself up and let’s get ready to roll!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Without trying to sound like a Naija artiste, I have always been brilliant from time immemorial; my mum actually told me I used to practically explain to her things that transpired when I was still in the womb. But like Kryptonite to Superman, Mathematics was my one weakness. I cannot remember when the problem actually started but it must have been sometime in JSS2 when Mr Komolafe, that confusionist of a Mathematics teacher, started combining letters and figures and asking us to repeatedly “find x” without telling us what he did with the one we found the day before. How can people spend their whole life “finding x and y” when there is a whole lot of real life waiting to be explored? Sadly, that sums up my problem with Mathematics – I could not relate it to real life! Add that to having to cram Elements and their Symbols, and the realization that I would have to read, understand, and remember textbooks such as Ababio, Harwood Clarke and Modern Biology, and I conveniently dodged the Science Class to the chagrin of the school Principal who believed any student who scored 10As and 2Cs (Mathematics and Integrated Science of course) like I did in JSCE had no business in any other class except Science.

Fast forward three years and I finished secondary school as one of the best students in Methodist High School which also happened to be one of the best schools in Ogun State, so we can say all was well that ended well. But, I had P7 in Mathematics. And here I was with the hope of being a Chartered Accountant (my rich Chartered Accountant uncle was my role-model). My dad, collaborated with some of my uncles and they came up with a song titled “Go and Read Law”… another bout of cramming??? Olorun maje!!! I quickly devised a plan: I would choose a UME combination that would qualify for any course but Law. I eventually chose CRK, Literature-in-English, and Yoruba. Yes, you read right – Yoruba. I prepared for the exam the way I used to prepare to go toast a babe. I read the whole Bible, read the recommended eight texts each for both Yoruba and Literature even though I had the option of choosing only four each, and I read all the poems too.

D-Day came and I left home feeling as confident as an agbero after an early morning dose of jogodo and paraga. I was fully prepared and I was not afraid, why would I be afraid of UME? The fact that I even knew I had prepared for UME unlike others who had prepared for JAMB was a strong conviction that my name and photo would be on the back page of the next brochure. I got to my Centre in Akoka, located my seat, placed my 3 pencils, 2 erasers, and 2 razors on the table awaiting the invigilators with the question papers. The papers eventually came and it should not come as a surprise to you that my combination was not available, I am sure JAMB had never had to deal with such a combination before. But they looked for them in pieces and provided my meal which I had been salivating to devour. But the real surprise was seeing the answer script and having to shade the type of question paper, that was when everybody realized they had different types of question papers ranging from S to A, L, I and M in honour of SALIM Ahmed Salim, the then JAMB Registrar. Come see Kasala! That was when I knew preparation was of two kinds, while I was doing last minute reading from Keypoints, others were doing last minute expo-sourcing. Proximity to UNILAG had made the centre to be a haven for “machineries” who came, collected money from most of the candidates and sold them confirmed expo. Everybody had come in with the same expo, but here are different questions grinning at them. That was how the whole centre scattered with people shouting, chasing and dragging, the invigilators were not spared because they already got their shares to look away. Police had to come in before the examination could continue. Despite the unscripted drama, I was still able to pour everything I had swallowed and went home feeling sanguine.

The results were released about two months later and I am still sad to inform you my result was CANCELLED along with the whole centre’s result. HOPE 2000, just like MKO’s Hope’93!!!

Thank You!

God Bless Us All!!

See You Next Time!!!

Twitter: SirRash

Facebook: Rasheed.Adewusi 

NB: This is an entry I submitted for a competition last month.

CRITIQUE, DON’T CRITICIZE!!!

Obviously, one of the latest fads is “The Art of Critiquing.” As usual, everybody is claiming to be masters at it, and all thanks to the new media, we are able to show our abilities off to a lot of people. Without sounding like a whiner, I can say this is the same the world over, at least the part of the world I have been able to have access to, most thanks to the new media also. Naturally, we all have different talents, some can write, some can sing, some can critique, and some can criticize. It would be nice if an individual focuses on their area of strength, but if I decided to sing (you will never catch me singing though, not even at a Karaoke) would it be right for anyone to analyse my performance using Asa as a benchmark? It is this blanket criticizing, disguised as critiquing, that is the crux of this post, and I am going to limit the discourse to the art of music in the land called Nigeria.

First and foremost, in critiquing an artiste’s work, while I agree the obtainable standard for what is deemed as music should be the benchmark, I strongly believe the artiste’s should also be compared to their personal self to fully do justice to the critique. An artiste who has been evolving over the course of his career should be appreciated even if they cannot rub shoulders with the industry leaders. A fitting example here is P-Square. From the Album “Last Nite” from nine years ago down to “The Invasion” which hasn’t really invaded every mind, we can actually trace an upward trajectory in what P-Square does best: sampling expansively, churning out party jams and inundating with superficial love songs. P-Square has decided that is where there strengths lie, and they have decided to stick to it and to always improve in those areas. Moreso, P-Square normally follows their audios with classy videos, and there has to be a huge connect between the audio, the video, and consequent live performances. They are more of all-round entertainers, and this has to be taken cognizance of. To critique P-Square’s album by benchmarking against the likes of TuFace, Darey and Sound Sultan who usually focus more on content, rather than expression, will be tantamount to sheer criticizing. Another artiste in this scenario is 9ice. From “Gongo Aso” which was 9ice’s peak through “Tradition” down to “Versus” and “Bashorun Gaa”, the depth in message, versatility in beats, wit in lyrics, and strength in voice that brought 9ice so much affection and commendation have been on the wane. But if I have to rate “Invasion” against “Bashorun Gaa” both in isolation, I will pick “Bashorun Gaa” as a better album, but if I trace the history of the two artistes, I will commend P-Square for a better work done because while Paul and Peter have been improving their games, 9ice has been wallowing in mediocrity.

Contextually, music as a form of art is so ubiquitous to the point where you cannot put a definite form to it. There are different genres to it and at different times, an avant-garde form might crop up serving some particular purposes. First to the mind here is TerryG who has totally disregarded coherence and logicality in lyrics thereby turning madness to an art. But the universality of music which made Nigerians, in the late 1990s and the early 2000s, to embrace Awilo Longomba’s “Coupe Bibamba” and Magic System’s “Lepa Gaou” without understanding a word of what they say also excuses TerryG’s antics in the name of music. TerryG does not pretend he is into making music, he is only into enunciating sounds, thus it will be unjust for anyone to critique his works based on the necessary parameters of good music. Thus, to critique such work, just consider acceptability from the target audience and let us move on. This actually applies to most of the artistes out there who are victims of self-delusion calling themselves musicians while they are more or less clowns without the costumes.

In synopsis, inasmuch as we call ourselves music connoisseurs because we have a large collection of music and we have an ear for beats and a brain to dissect the lyrics, the bitter truth is there is just so much music, there is so much to music and there is so little we can do about streamlining everything into discrete and distinct categories. The more we try to see through the eyes of the artiste, and consider as many factors as possible, the better we are at critiquing. 

Thank You!

God Bless Us All!!

See You Next Time!!!

Twitter: SirRash

Facebook: rasheed.adewusi